| rev:text
| - I want to get drunk here and never leave, but there's a lot of floor wax in my dessert topping.
For context, there's an old Saturday Night Live parody commercial that has a husband and wife arguing loudly with each other: "It's a floor wax!" "It's a dessert topping!" The gag is, of course, that Shimmer Floor Wax is a floor wax AND a dessert topping.
Lizardville is a beer store AND a whiskey bar AND a gastropub - kind of a Swiss Army Knife of booze-related activities. And like a Swiss army knife, it doesn't do everything particularly well.
In fact, Lizardville kind of like a hot model with a big, leaky cold sore, in that you try SO HARD to fall in love that you can kind of overlook the flaws. Kind of. But it's a very floor wax-y experience.
First off, as a beer store? Five stars, easy. Because the selection is incredibly deep and interesting, with hundreds of local and rare beers - a little pricey, but some of these you can't get anywhere else. They also have the best mead selection in town. If you want to build your own six packs, go nuts.
And OH MY GOD IF YOU LOVE WHISKEY AND SCOTCH YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE HERE AND NEVER LEAVE. They have an extensive menu, and by "extensive," I mean they have an entire BINDER full of exquisite boozes. They have a taste map that shows you if you liked this whiskey but want something more delicate in taste, follow your finger upwards. Want a peatier experience? Back, and to the left. There are whiskey flights at very reasonable prices so you can build your taste profile. And the staff is very well educated.
As a whiskey joint, this place gets ALL THE STARS. It's the best sampler place in Ohio that I've found. It's scotchy heaven. Scotchy, scotch scotch.
(I wish they could SELL scotch, but the staff informed me that Ohio's Liquor Commission doesn't allow them to serve beverages and sell hard liquor for some arcane reason. Pity. They'd be masterful at it.)
Unfortunately, they also make what could charitably be called "food" here, and it wasn't good. We got fries that tasted like they came out of a freezer somewhere, a fried fish sandwich served on tasty rolls but crunchy and overly-bready twists of non-fishy flavor, and a chicken sandwich that approached adequate.
Maybe they were having a bad night, and I'll give them that, because the food also took literally an hour to arrive on a Friday night. Now, we WERE distracted by beer and scotch, which arrived speedily, so we didn't mind.... and maybe the cooks were having a good night. But it's a very small, narrow menu with few distinctive choices, too small to properly call itself a gastropub, and so for me the food turned out to be an active turnoff.
So Lizardville is good to visit if you feel like experiencing a vast and bewildering variety of boozen. In fact, it's stellar. But the food that went with it wasn't anywhere up to speed with the rest, and seemed pretty awful by comparison.
Like I said, this was one Friday night. Maybe the food is better every other night, and if the food becomes merely mediocre, then that can catapult the experience to five stars. I'm not looking for awesome food, like at Jammy Buggars or Deegan's. I'm just asking for something that doesn't drag down the other good stuff around it.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)