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  • The mice have senselessly invaded my house and it's a bloodbath in here with the cats going crazy with widescale killing and not eating what they kill and it is so gruesome and god-awful that I had to go out to dinner. My first choice was going to be a theme dinner at one of those filthy Broadview Heights restaurants out next to the Norton Landfill. I remember seeing the CMHA garbage trucks dumping in that place and when they popped open the back end of the truck, the rats would come out big and mean and looking for a fight. I wish my mice had some fight in them like those teethy fuckers did.. Alas, city officials have bulldozed those awful infested dining establishments to make room for a Giant Eagle. The rats are the only ones still eating out on that side of town. I had to go to Seven Hills and find me a Ruby Tuesday. I figured it'd be dirty in there too. I was not disappointed. The frozen fries must have screamed something fierce when they hit the scalding black oil because damned if they're not both overdone and underdone at the same time. Thaw those bad boys out first and they'll fry up alright. Making fries ain't hard to do. Get it together. The immigrant running the beef patty machine out in Colorado was hitting his ISO 9001 specs on the dime when he made my burger because it was exactly round and precisely even when it hit the grill. I'm sure it recoiled in the heat of the cooktop and as the line cook squeezed every drop of juice out of it, it shrank and tightened as if to scorn me for eating it. The service was fine and I liked my waitress. The burger was a mess and I was ashamed to be eating it. If you've got some scratch get one of those silly iced tea drinks with booze in it. Just drink it fast or the ice will melt. This was quite an ugly and offensive way to spend an evening until I realized how it all made sense. The people around me were having fun and enjoying their food. Did they care that it all came in from a New Jersey wholesaler? No. They were laughing and it was a good time and I was the dick because I went to Ruby Tuesday in Seven Hills looking for a Moxie burger and some Lola fries. I should have had the beer and I should have enjoyed my meal. And while I was away, the mice did not play. They did not play at all.
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