| rev:text
| - Strap in, because this is going to suck.
My first experience at Brassaii took place around the start of September, sort of smack in the middle of the TIFF festivities, so maybe it had something to do with the experience. It was my girlfriend and I's 7th anniversary and we wanted to try a new place, so off we went.
With reservations confirmed we arrived at the restaurant to be greeted at a makeshift podium in front of a large party happening on the patio. The hostess and her colleague then debated for a few minutes; do we walk these people through the large party, or use the side entrance so we don't disturb the party in progress.
Eventually they decided the side entrance was the way to go. So off we went down the alley, squeezing around partitions, recycling bins, garbage bags and puddles of urine to arrive at the side entrance.
On arrival at the side door, some management type figures stood, who looked curiously at the host and the two of us. In hushed tones, the host tried to explain that he was told to bring us to the side entrance so as not to disturb the party.
Now, had I been the management person standing there here is what I would have said to the host: 'We really shouldn't do that, it doesn't look good on the restaurant. Bring them in just now, but don't bring anyone else down here, okay?'
Here is what was said to the host: 'No. Take them back around.'
On our journey back to the front past the debris and piss puddles I turned to my girlfriend and said 'Already a great start.'
So, after pushing through the party on the patio we arrived inside, were promptly seated (beside a curtained-off room where staff were constantly passing through) and offered a complimentary glass of Prosecco in recognition of our celebration. This was a nice touch. Our waiter came by and asked if we would like any beverages, which were delivered to us promptly.
At this point, we believe something terrible happened to our waiter. He was either kidnapped or had fallen through a rift in space and time, because he was entirely lost to us. It had been 35 minutes since we had been seated until my girlfriend had to physically stop a staff member and ask for a waiter.
A few minutes later we were greeted by a very nice waiter who asked that we 'please do not feel forgotten', even though we kinda sorta were. A lot. We ordered our meals (duck 2 ways for her, and steak cooked medium for me[remember that part because it comes back later]) and my girlfriend asked for a glass of merlot with dinner.
The nice waiter reappeared moments later. 'I'm very sorry, we're actually out of merlot. Would you care for a cabernet perhaps?'
'Sure, thank you.'
I kind of felt bad for the guy at this point; I've been a waiter before and it's awful compounding bad news on top of bad news.
Moments later: 'I'm very sorry, we're actually out of that as well; we're between red wine suppliers at the moment.'
He ended up scrounging up my girlfriend some sort of red coloured wine-like drink from somewhere. At this point, my girlfriend and I were actually laughing at how abysmally incapable this restaurant seemed to be run.
Finally, dinner arrived. Girlfriend said her duck was delicious. And then there was my steak. Remember how I said 'cooked medium'? Upon cutting into the steak, the blood began to pour so readily I was convinced the chef was actually making a sacrifice to Q'uq'umatz (feathered snake god and creator to the Mayan people).
My girlfriend said stated the obvious; 'Why not send it back?' I did not for two reasons. 1) The kitchen was busy enough that I was certain it would be thrown on the grill and forgotten about, and 2) there was a good chance I would just plain be forgotten about again.
Our waiter arrived again, trying to make amends by offering us a complimentary round of drinks. We politely turned him down.
The first time.
On the third time he offered a complimentary drink I said 'You've given us Prosecco, a full glass of red wine, and now you want to offer ANOTHER drink?' He seemed to understand at this point how silly the drink offer was.
Without having dessert we paid the bill (my 1 bottle of water was graciously taken off of the bill) and ran screaming from the restaurant.
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