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| - ok ... so we're in vegas for our friends wedding at the wynn ... the bride and groom wanted everyone (around 50 people) to hit tryst for some post ceremony fun. awesome! i love big nightclubs where you get to stand in line while a bunch of totally awesome doormen rocking shiny suits and ties* decide:
a) if you look cool enough to get you past the ropes
b) if the ho' on your arm looks hot enough to get you both past the ropes
c) that you don't look cool enough ... but if you slip 'em a c-note your cool factor might magically go up enough to get you past the ropes
d) that you don't look cool enough. period. and there's no amount of money or hot looking ho's hanging on your arm that will get you past the ropes
then once you do get past the ropes (except for all you losers in group 'd') don't forget to pay the cover!
sweet! we're in! time queue up at the bar w/ the other 894 people trying push their way to the front... look at the bright side ... now is the perfect time to peep out all the hot/good looking/cool people that surround you ...damn ... there sure are a hell of a lot of guys in their 40's and 50's here ... guess gold rolex's, shirts unbuttoned halfway down the chest, navy blue hickey freeman blazers, tassel loafers, pleated chinos, and faconnable cologne must get double points on the doormen's cool meter ... hmmm ... I could have sworn the dj already played kanye west's 'gold digger' when we first got here. ... speaking of gold diggers ... man ... there seems be a hell of a lot of really young girls here ... guess xxl breast implants, tanning bronzer, fake dior purses, super tight forever 21 dresses, britney spears curious perfume, and 5" steve madden pumps must be worth big points on the doorman's hot ho' meter ... hmmm ... isn't this "yeah!" by usher that the dj just dropped? i'm almost positive he already played this track ... seriously ... there sure are a hell of a lot of women here in their 40's and they all seem to be rolling 10 deep (would they be considered a 'pride'?) ... guess that xl breast implants, really dark and really real tans, real fendi purses, just cavalli leopard print wrap dresses, gucci perfume and 5" jimmy choo pumps must score big points on the doormen's cougar meter. nice! the dj's throwing down some mash-ups ... mash-ups rule! ... but isn't this that 'gold digger/yeah!' white label?
aight ... here's my real experience w/ tryst ... signed up online for the before 11pm guest list (as did most of the wedding party) ... queued up in line at 10:15 ... waited for 10 minutes to get the attention of a door host/doorman ... told him i was on the before 11pm list ... he said i wasn't on his list ... i pulled up the confirmation email on my phone and showed it to him ... he said again that i wasn't on his list ... had him look at the email confirmation again ... he said he'd 'try' to get us in as soon as he could ... he walks away and disappears ... we stand in line for another 15 minutes and watch the other host/doormen troll the line for:
a) guests who were paying $300+/per person for bottle service
b) ho's w/ knockoff designer purses
c) dudes who were desperate enough to pay a bribe to up their coolness
we laughed, we bailed
*btw hosts/doormen ... tie knots as big as your fist were cool for like a minute back in '05
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