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| - "What are you going to give this place," asked my girlfriend as we settled up, "a zero?"
"No," I replied, "a zero would be a homeless man on the street who offers you a drink and a burger, but instead throws loose change at you."
No, Rivoli deserves 1 star, but know that it is only a step above a homeless man shouting at you as you pass by. From the chairs designed to give you a back ache and get you out the door as quickly as possible, to the clearly over-worked and inattentive staff, to the bland food and watered down drinks, Rivoli is most certainly the worst club in Toronto. So bad was Rivoli, that I created a Yelp account specifically for this review.
Our meal began promising enough, with a menu full of exciting cocktails filled with exotic ingredients. But as we would soon learn, both the food and drink at Rivoli could be summarized by the idiom "don't spit on a cupcake and call it frosting".
I ordered a Dark and Stormy, and was given what I can only assume was a cocktail consisting of 70% water, 20% ginger ale and 10% rum. "One bad drink doesn't spoil the bunch", you may say. I would be inclined to agree with you, yet the Amaretto and cranberry my girlfriend ordered turned out to be just as watered down as my drink. The same was to be said about the two gin and tonics we ordered afterwards.
In between our "drink" orders, we decided to grab an order of tortilla chips and guacamole. To Rivoli's credit the order arrived quickly, but to their discredit it quickly became apparently why it came TOO quick. The tortilla chips, clearly poured directly from a bag and onto the plate, were plain and boring. "No one cares about the chips, its all about the guac!" you may say. I would be inclined to agree with you, yet the guacamole tasted suspiciously like the pre-made guacamole I've purchased for myself from No Frills and was cheap, tasteless and altogether boring. It certainly seemed like a delicious and tempting order based on the menu description, but turned out to be over-promised and under-delivered.
With a stomach full of cheap, bland and over-hyped food and drink, we decided to forgo any more food, pay, and run for the hills. "You can't say you gave the place a fair shake! You didn't even order an entree!", you may say. I would be inclined to agree with you, but we could continue no longer.
Go for the live music acts certainly, but do yourself a favour and stop at a corner store and the LCBO before you do. You'll have the same food and drink, and you'll save yourself some money.
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