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  • I wouldn't eat here if you paid me to. However, a few of my friends (*cough *cough Mark J) put on their top hats, tuxes and tails to endure the faux fanciness that is Le Red Lobster. I came along strictly to document the experience. I must confess that as a child my parents dragged me to Le Lobster Rouge all the time, even though the food gave me VIOLENT EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA every time. I still shudder at the thought of eating anything from here and refused to eat. So I ordered a diet coke and a plate of maraschino cherries...because I'm a classy lady after all. Speaking of class, Red Lobster is one of those places trashy people go because they think eating shrimp makes you classy. Apparently eating endless shrimp makes you infinitely classy - because there were some real winners dining here tonight. But I'm not here to help the patrons, just the restaurant, so I digress. The service was odd. The waitress was friendly enough and she seriously brought me a plate of cherries - for realz!. That made me love her endlessly, like shrimp. I also loved the speedy refills and the pleasant way she reacted to a hateful Lobster cynic maniac who only orders a plate of garnish from the bar. So waitress = awesome. Other than that, Red Lobster is pretty much the nastiest place on earth. It wasn't particularly dirty or gross or anything. It just wreaks of nast. Like even the cleanest and friendliest strip club is still just a dirty little shack filled with glitter, STD's, bad boob jobs, boners. A layer of filth. Just filled with nast. So my friend's food came and it looked edible, but not good. They ate it, but I'm not sure they liked it. So I guess we were on the same page. Then the kid next to us started bopping around like a lollipop kid and the lady in the huge purple muu muu ate her 5th cheese biscuit and I drank my 5th diet coke and shit got weird after that. When we got the bill I felt a little like I ate acid, but came back down to earth when I realized the dope ass waitress didn't charge me for my diet coke. Or the cherries. Score! So my experience at Red Lobster was good. I just couldn't eat the food. Oh... when I got home and peered in my purse I found someone stuffed it with like 50 packets of Splenda and the crab cracking tool thing. Thanks a**holes. Nice joke. Classy evening all around.
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