"5"^^ . "3"^^ . "4"^^ . . . "4"^^ . "2012-03-06T00:00:00"^^ . . "Alright, here's the deal: I couldn't give a shit about coffee. I don't even drink coffee. But sometimes, when I'm looking to hook up with a chick or something, I might say to her, \"Hey, why don't we meet up for coffee or something?\" Then, they usually say something like, oh, I don't know, \"Get the hell out of the women's restroom, creep,\" or some shit like that, y'know, like they're playing hard-to-get, and making you have to work for it like a chump. And then, eventually, they see that you're really just a good guy who's a little lonely since your ex dumped you two years ago, and they agree to meet you at an arranged time and location for coffee. So they say, \"Oh, there's a Starbucks over on so and so,\" and you say, \"Yeah, sure, I know where that is,\" even though you ain't got a fuckin' clue where the fuck that is, because you're dancing on the inside for the first time in forever and you're so happy that somebody's finally treating you half-decent for a change. \n\nSo the day rolls around and you get there 45 minutes early, of course, and nobody's there and all 4 tables or whatever they have are empty, so instead of waiting like a schmuck at the table by yourself, you go to the bathroom and do some jumping jacks in there to blow off some steam while you wait for the girl to show up. When she finally texts you to tell you that she's there, you walk out there and the place is packed and there's no goddamn place to sit and talk! I mean, what the hell is that all about? Why do all these Starbucks have only about 4 seats?! And they're usually about the size of one of those old gas stations from back in the day when all they had inside for sale was a couple of packs of gum and some smokes, so it's all cramped and small, and all the seats are right up against the door, so it's freezing as hell in the winter.\n\nSo you know what you do? You just tell the girl she's wrong for suggesting that kinda place, and you tell her you'll meet at THIS Starbucks coffee place on Chagrin, right over there next to the TJ Maxx. They really know what they're doing, and it's easily better than all the other 2 and 3-star Starbucks that these girls are always wanting to go to. First off, it's HUGE! Like the size of 3 regular Starbucks! Tons of seating in a really big area so you can have a little privacy when you're talking with a girl. And it's really nice and comfortable -- leather chairs, plush chairs, tables -- even a fireplace. Real classy. The service is nicer than the other ones, too, and it's not freezing in the winter so you can relax and have a nice conversation for a while and not feel uncomfortable because you're in a cold sweat.\n\nIf you do this, I guarantee you that any nice girl will be real impressed. You make her happy there, and she'll make you happy forever."^^ .