"6"^^ . "2013-03-23T00:00:00"^^ . . . "3"^^ . . "22"^^ . "3"^^ . "I really can't explain it: this place sucks, but you should still go.\n\nIt's basically like WWF wrestling, but Ye Olde. Plus horses.\n\nThe whole shebang is timed and planned to a tee, it's a giant machine that gathers and churns out the 400 people in a prescribed amount of time. Everything that happens is scripted: what food you get, when the server comes back to give you a refill, when the manager asks you if everything is okay. The server has a giant baking sheet with exactly the correct number of portions for the section, no extras, and it's lukewarm and covered with greasy tinfoil. NO FOOD WASTAGE, MUST PROTECT GROSS MARGIN.\n\nDon't even think about \"flagging your server down,\" they will come by when the script says it is time to come by again.\n\nEvery single corner it's possible to cut, they've cut it. Your menu is printed on the tiniest napkin ever - which is awesome considering you are eating with your hands. The \"dessert\" is literally a stale passion flakie, it's awful. But it gets better: if you watch closely, you will see that your servers actually have to run down and put on costumes and PERFORM in a crowd scene. Because who needs extras when you have servers? Multitask or get out of the way!!\n\nThey are sucking money out of you at every turn, for souvenirs and photographs and the most ridiculous things. Every amusement park, tourist-trappy thing you can imagine, they're doing it. 11$ for parking, y'all, on a non-event night in the dead of winter.\n\nBut the staff are super kind and working unbelievably hard. I could not do any of their jobs, they are doing something VERY strenuous and knowing it's pretty mediocre, and smiling about it. The \"knights\" come out after the show and pose for photos with portly bachelorettes making very original lance jokes, and then manage to turn around and get down on one knee and goof off with a bunch of toddlers, it's very sweet.\n\nBut yes, you should go. It's hilarious. Pre-pay for a bottle of wine (20$) and just get smashed. You will NOT be in the minority. It is so camp it's absurd, and if you can just get over worrying about the animals being unhappy, and just give in, you'll probably enjoy it. You can just shout the most unbelievable things, and you are close enough that you can see they hear you, and it's super satisfying to get them to break character a bit. The first half of the show is pretty stupid, but then they start fighting in the dirt and it gets more marvellous. And these knights, they're easy on the eyes, believe you me.\n\nSo, it sucks, and go KNOWING that it sucks and just marvel at the precision with which they run this massive operation. And in the summer, they do it three times daily! And just get into the spirit of things, you'll enjoy it in spite of almost absolutely everything."^^ .