. "\"Everything you see\n\"Is just a century of anarchy\n\"All my corresponding colors\n\"That symbolize the things\"\n\n--------------------------------------\n\nIn A Sentence\u0099\nA resort -- and they will let you know (Resortist marketing campaign) -- that offers nearly everything on the south end of the world famous strip.\n\nQuick Review\u0099\n+ Arena, beach, club venue (HOB), some restaurants -- good and shitty -- a convention centre, aquarium, festival grounds, tram, gambling stuff, et. cetera.\n\n- Not enough parking. Not many options beyond driving*. (*Tram starts and ends Mandalay Bay/Excalibur: covering a couple of blocks.)\n\n\nEmployee[s] of Excellence\u0099 \n+ Jason (Department: House of Blues). This guy goes above and beyond that which is required every time he works. \n+ Daniel (Department: Lost & Found). This guy went above and beyond to provide superior customer service and thus also needs to be acknowledged.\n\n--------------------------------------\n\nStorytime\u0099\nLook man. I've been here a couple of times. (Check the check-ins!)\nThe end. (Why would anyone read on?)\n\nThere may be footage of me dating back to 2006, if they actually keep that shit. My first Las Vegas show was here (Blue October, HOB - 13 October 2006). (Hey, I'm not proud of that concert choice; there was nothing better that night ....) My next Las Vegas show will be here (Steel Panther, HOB - 19 February 2016). Bruv, everything in between has been a fucking ball. I love this town! \n\nParking\nMandalay Bay used to be the place! Access from Russell and one of those Rat Pack roads -- I don't know -- it was perfect to park here and take the tram or whatever to where you were going if in the south. Then, they closed the Convention/Shark Reef parking. Then, it went to shit. Parking is a chore now. Getting out is a pain in the ass since we have to use the goddamn garage. That garage is shit. (It's only getting worse.)\n\nCasino \nNo: I don't gamble. \n\nHotel\nI have never stayed here. I live here, for fucks sake!\n\nVenues\nEvents centre is adequate. HOB is cool. Beach is alright. Festival grounds are barely okay. The Mamma Mia/Lion King/Michael Jackson theatre is sweet. \n\nClubs \nNo: I don't burn money. \n\nRestaurants \nA couple are alright. Aiiiiiiiiight.\n\nMall \nIt kinda sucks. \n\n\nI once lost a car here. I don't know what happened. The guy at the security shack stopping cars from driving into the employee area must have been taking a shit or something. I drove all the way up (onto the employee level) and couldn't find the motor vehicle afterwards since it was in the employee parking instead of regular patron parking. I asked: would you guys ever tow a vehicle? No was the answer. Nailed it! You know how many times I have moved garbage receptacles and parked in makeshift ports I thus created after that? I've said too much. \n\nI've lost other shit here, not as big as a motor vehicle. \n\nContact: Lost & Found\n702-632-7995, open from 9:00 A.M. to 6:00 P.M. daily.\n \nI watched HOF'er Andre Agassi play tennis here. Santana is a resident here. I think you can buy George Washington's autograph here (or get his portrait tattooed). \n\nFor detailed reviews, click on the individual listing URL of choice below. \n\n--------------------------------------\n\nIndividual listings\nBurger Bar - Four-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/burger-bar-las-vegas?hrid=siwcBL-vzd87RmYh58_fUQ&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nHouse of Blues - Two-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/house-of-blues-las-vegas?hrid=QY7yNC3K22_40RirxrdeFw&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nLas Vegas Village - Three-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/mgm-resort-village-las-vegas?hrid=2de_w67knNFVrPgXw2q6vA&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nMandalay Bay Beach - Three-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/mandalay-bay-beach-las-vegas?hrid=JKyN3Bmy3Pzl9vpz5o6FWw&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nMandalay Bay Events Center - Four-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/mandalay-bay-events-center-las-vegas?hrid=M_ibyZugyDv8nG7vPpGqCQ&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nMandalay Bay-Excalibur Tram - Three-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/mandalay-bay-excalibur-tram-las-vegas?hrid=rDINB0dQRPVAQqHcCp3jMQ&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nMandalay Bay Sports Book - Three-stars\nhttp://www.yelp.com/biz/mandalay-bay-sports-book-las-vegas?hrid=H5i-FaQEiOID6jC7ojTRUw&utm_campaign=www_review_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)\n\nResort Average: 3.14285714286-stars\n\n--------------------------------------\n\nTourists\nTons and tons and tons of tourists here+ -- naturally -- since it's the strip. \n(+It's a huge resort on the strip!)\n\nKids\nNot good for kids++. \n(++Kids can't pay for shit.)\n\nDogs\nNot good for dogs+++. \n(+++Dogs can't sleep here.)\n\n--------------------------------------\n\nRating: Three-stars, \"A-OK.\" [5000.]"^^ . "4"^^ . "2016-02-20T00:00:00"^^ . "3"^^ . "8"^^ . . . "6"^^ .