Mama Gump had the right idea when she said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
What would've been more helpful advice though, is what to do when your Fido EATS the box of chocolates. YES. I came home one night to find my dog curled up in bed after having YOLO'ed way too hard over an entire box. As in, more than one piece.
So what's a concerned pet owner to do?
1. Panic.
2. Google "Fatality rates for dogs after eating chocolate."
3. Call a friend. When he says this has never happened to his dog, panic more.
4. Consult Yelp for a 24-hour vet.
5. Drive like a maniac.
I called ahead to see if I could get a ballpark on the service, but without seeing my canine, it was pretty up in the air. The vet was quick to explain the what they had done - induce vomiting, give him painkillers, etc., then walk me through what to expect during recovery, leaving me much more at ease.
More than $100+ later, I learned my lesson that my pet sure loves instant gratification. I'm pretty sure he learned his too - THE MORNING AFTER SUCKS LIKE A MOFO.