So, I have a thing for zombies. Fast zombies, slow zombies, evil zombies, dead zombies, live zombies, zombies with souls, brain-eating zombies, vegan zombies, rotting zombies -- you name it, I don't discriminate.
I tell you this because, deep in my bones, I believe that The Zombie-pocalypse is imminent. On occasion, I contemplate prepping a go-bag for the day it happens. In addition to the necessities such as puppies and kittens, suspenders, mint juleps, Uggs (as previously referenced), and a pure white bathrobe, it is essential I obtain one fresh meal prior to the collapse of civilization.
Allow me to present the Yelpzombie scale:
FIVE: Would push mother into approaching zombie horde in order to obtain (In-n-Out).
FOUR: Would give up left arm to be gnawed on by zombified best friend (Chick-fil-A).
THREE: Would trade one roll of toilet paper for (Jack in the Box).
TWO: Viva Las Arepas.
ONE: Given a choice of an Oprah marathon and ___________, Oprah wins. (McDonalds. Not counting Sausage Egg McMuffins here.)
As you can see, I have a refined palate. Is there any doubt that I am a true foodie?
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Back to business. You could get an arepa for ~$5.50, but without cheese (+$.50), avocado ($+.99), and a fried egg ($.99), what's the point? You wouldn't be getting the full experience. So we're up to 8 bucks. And you won't be full. Your stomach will curse you for your stinginess and punish you with pangs of fury. Now throw in fries, yucca root, or plantains for $3.00, and you're sitting at $11.00. Even with the extras and factoring in that some of you have pinholes for mouths, you will certainly consume your arepas in 3 bites, give or take 2 bites.
Post-tax, that's a 4:1 bite to dollar ratio. FOUR dollars per bite! Now let's take a look at French Laundry. The tasting menu runs 10 courses long and will set you back a mere $295. If we say each course is 8 bites, after tax and tip, it comes out to 4 dollars per bite. So, think hard, Viva Las Arepas or French Laundry? The answer is obvious. Don't fight math.
As an aside, Yelp, can you add a dollar:bite field to restaurant listings? Please? Imagine how much more engaging eating and review-writing would be. Every bite would literally be counted. And each bite could be individually reviewed. How much fun would that be? We'd all eagerly embrace it, especially the elites. Don't even deny that it wouldn't happen.
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Our table ordered three different arepas, the plantains, and the yucca. I got the beef (aka carne asada, yes, the translation makes little sense). I loved the plaintains -- they were deep fried and carmelized. Everything else was plain. Even drenching the arepas in the provided sauces could not salvage the bland mediocrity that I had invited into my mouth. I asked my dining mates to describe the two sauces and here is what our committee of three decreed:
Sauce one: lighter green, spicer, less creamy.
Sauce two: darker green, less spicy, more creamy.
So descriptive, you're welcome. Now that I've saved you the trouble of spending your precious time and money here, let's discuss what you'd put in your go-bag.