Dear Hotel Red guests,
Welcome to Madison! We're glad to have you here. We entreat you to visit and enjoy our vast multitude of bars and restaurants, where you can usually find local brews, meats, and cheeses. Really, go anywhere. Anywhere other than The Wise.
If you must go there, do not order the "popped ravioli". I'm almost positive it's actually just lasagna noodles stirred in Chef Boyardi sauce. And don't order the bland red spread. And don't get a drink off the cocktail menu without first making sure they actually have all the ingredients to make it.
Enjoy your stay! I hear the hotel is really nice.
Sincerely,
Adam