After seeing these negative reviews splurged all over this page like a raw sewage leak, I figured we'd pour a little more gas on the fire. I mean it really is just one after another and I can attest every nightmare on this page is the real deal Holyfield ladies and gents. Let me throw a few numbers out here:
0 - the amount of answers the customer service dept will be able to provide you as you wonder if you will ever see your possessions again.
0 - % chance the movers will show up during the time frame they say the will, you're honestly a lucky SOB if they show up on the day they give you.
1 - lawsuit filed.
1 - half ass apology from the BBB saying they unfortunately can't do anything to prevent this business from ripping you off. The BBB doesn't recommend this company... well bite my balls and call me Skippy, who would've ever thought that? I really thought Lavar Ball was a man of the people??
3 - packs of cigarettes smoked a day by the woman who gave me this grand slam of a deal.
9 - # of employees cursed at over the phone. I felt a little remorseful about this initially, but I have theory that they have a weekly office pool where the objective is to bait customers into having a meltdown or aneurysm, whichever happens first. However, since these wagers take place at headquarters in Vegas they're actually operating within the law. (Disclaimer: if you struggle with gambling addiction, put your mortgage on Freddy Couples to lead Master's after the first day. If that doesn't hit, double down & put your most valuable family possession on Izzo and the Michigan State Spartan's to go all the way in March Madness. IF you're STILL in the hole after those two LOCKS, go all in and put your 1st born kid on the one horse at the Kentucky Derby who's as grey as the Nantucket mist. Whatever you do, don't be a quitter and seek help).
21 - number of minutes I engaged in a verbal argument with the moving guy about how many stairs were on the one flight between the 2nd and ground floor of my apt building. Probably the most flustered I've ever been in my life, but that's exactly what happens when you charge $5 a stair. It was like dealing with the kid in elementary school who makes up his own rules no matter what game you're playing and just expects you to follow them. Whether you're playing "count the stairs" or "chutes & ladders", this guy and that kid are both insufferable assholes.
30 - # of business days you're shipment is GUARANTEED to arrive within. LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
32 - # of voicemails Angelo purposefully keeps in his voice box to ensure it stays full and he doesn't have to deal with you. Let me tell you, ole Angelo is a magician, and not one those who does card tricks. I'm talking about one of those professional Magi's who can disappear into thin air. I thought the guy must've gotten placed in witness protection or something, because I'm fairly certain I could've found D.B. Cooper before Angelo. And for the record, I think there's a solid chance Angelo's name is an alias. You can't just disappear with that vibrant of a name, I'd guess his real name is George or something super dull. Kinda like how Enrique Iglesias name translates to Henry Churches. When you connect the dots it just makes too much sense.
42 - the only jersey # retired in every MLB stadium (I'm watching playoff baseball while I type this)
69 - nice
85 - amount I had to pay for an elevator fee after we couldn't come to an agreement on how many damn stairs there were. (Moving Guy was too big of a coward to go best 2 out of 3 against me in rock, paper, scissors).
94 - % chance something will be missing, broken, or both when your shipment finally does arrive. Luckily for me the only thing they misplaced was a small end table that I REALLY fudged up a paint job on. The thing was hideous & if I had to bet it's smack dab in the middle of asshole who can't count stairs living room. Jokes on you buddy, that end table was ugly as sin and throws off the color of the whole room. Your interior decorating game is weak sauce you BUM. Chalk up a win for the good guys.
104 - # of exact days it took to receive my shipment. Yet somehow those two degenerate Englishmen made it around the world in 80 days and that was in 1956!.
400 - dollars I owe in lawyer fees to now drop the aforementioned lawsuit.
-also my PR on the squat.... Yeah that was a lie, I treat leg day like it's Ebola.
In conclusion, dealing with these people turned out to be one wild ass ride. So welcome to the big leagues future customers, you're about to be f****d hard body karate.
**Editor's Note**
It'd sure be nice to get all of my fellow disgruntled customers/victims together for a BBQ or something. I'll bring a couple of gallons of Milo's sweet tea and a corn-hole set. If anyone has a good banana pudding recipe toss this post a like. Until then, best of luck to you and yours.
"We're going to hell so bring your sunblock"
-Ari Gold