It won't surprise you to learn that Rex Marvin is a man of the world. A student of living. A man who grabs a hold of life like Tiger Woods does a white slutty breast. I have dry humped this planet and no amount of trying to shake me off has worked yet. I have survived it all. Faberge Egg addiction. She-male mother figures. Waking up in the morgue 5 times. Two attempted autopsies. 3 years tied up in Rick James's basement. 4 years tied up in some Austrian guy's basement with his daughter and their 4 kids. Crippling Endust addiction. 4 minutes of a Paulie Shore stand up performance. Driving to Delaware with Artie Lange to score heroin. Tongue kissing Madonna (I was sick for 3 months.)
Where do you go for sanctuary, you ask? How do you escape the fate that has tossed you around like Charlie Sheen does a hooker in a hotel room? Easy. The kindest, nicest place on earth...no...not Disney World...those midgets will knife you for almost no provocation. One comment about them being cursed by the Devil and an attempted exorcism to help them grow and suddenly they go all Jeffery Dahmer on you. I was lucky to escape. No. I go to Tripoli, Libya. I walk around. I listen to the happy sounds...the children playing their favorite "who looks more like Gaddafi/Kim Kardashian Without Electrolysis and a Fat Butt contest." I came in 3rd two years ago. Magical. If you listen really closely you can hear the sound of the secret police torturing a man for saying that things just aren't all that great. Infidel. The smell of spices and dissention filled the nostrils. I met Gaddafi once. Interesting fellow. Spent 11 hours telling me how he should have been casted as Joey on Friends. He blamed the ghost of Ethel Merman. Kept screaming about how she told him to "just be himself." At least the food was good. The lamb kabob's were amazing. I thought about them a lot. For reasons that I can't fully explain...a mix up about what my "Camel Riding" business really was forced me to leave. The recent news made me think of all the great times...and the bad...like how no one showed up for my Briss. It was the worst 37th birthday I ever had. Me and a guy who claimed to be a Moyle holding a machete. He looked a lot like Tom Arnold with a beard...but I doubt Tom Arnold could book that kind of gig anymore. Anyway...I thought
about the food.
Well...I can finally have peace...well...let's not get crazy. I still have other issues...but I can get go to a good Kabob stand. It isn't perfect. It isn't Tripoli in the summertime...the sound of the stadium filled with beheadings and Bee Gee's music...no...not that good. What about the food. Well, the Gyro is spectacular. It is really the best thing on the menu and it is like 7 bucks with a drink. The lamb kabob is excellent, but the beef kabob is poorly seasoned and ends up tasting like a well done hamburger. The chicken kabob is very good but often a little dry. Stick with the lamb. The hummus is good, but not spicy enough for Rex. The tabouli is spot on excellent. The free chutney is so flavorful it is a perfect complement to the kabobs. The shish is just like the kabobs...lamb great but the beef is better than the kabobs. One complaint that I can't forget...the rice goes from bad to awful. It is ALWAYS overdone. ALWAYS! I can't understand it. It's rice. They flame broil meat like a champ...but damn is the rice bad. I don't get it. Great portion sizes of everything, just the rice is really brutal some days. Crunchy rice is never right. Ever. (Don't say deep fried rice balls...they are horrible.)
The atmosphere is really good and at night you can see the planes land and the view of the strip is perfect. There is a car park for the airport and I often "acquire" a car and park there and eat my food.
The owners are a little squeamish about self flagellation...but that is how I mark the Day of Ashura and if they don't like it well then they can take it up with the dude we all pray to...Captain Kangaroo. I love you Captain...I will never stop beating myself for my mistakes. No matter what they say. Mr. Green Jeans can go F himself! LONG LIVE THE CAPTAIN!!