Dear Yelphouse Forum,
I know this will sound made up, but believe me it is all true. Couple nights before New Year's Eve. I was at a swinging party on Lakewood's north side. Me and three girls. Two were sisters! We were all schmoozing, taking pictures, drinking some Stoli and cola. We were talking about some racy movies we had seen recently. You know, like Battlefield Earth and stuff. Now here's where it gets weird.
It's about one in the morning. A very sexy time of night. I started to feel this strange sensation take over my body. I was getting a craving. For something hot. Oh yeah, hot and gooey. Something I could rip apart and shove my face in to. A box. Full of pizza. So I left and went down the street. Bars were emptying out. Women were stumbling around, flashing their goods, screaming in ecstasy. Or you know, vomitous sickness. I saw a neon light. Like the kind you see all over the seedy part of town. It said "OPEN". Yeah, that's how I like it. I called the number in the window. A sultry lady's voice cooed over the line, "Thank you for calling Nunzio's, how can I help you?" I had to loosen my tie. "(gulp), I'd like two pizzas. Large."
"Large? Okay, what do you want on them?", she purred. I asked for black olives on one. And asked for the other one bare. Mmmmmmm, bare. "Twenty minutes. What's your name?", she beckoned. I could barely speak from the excitement. I waited in my car. I could see there were TWO ladies in the shop. Two exotic Sicilian ladies kneading dough with their firm hands. They wiped sweat from their brows. Oh to be the kitchen towel that caught some of that sweat. Then the big moment came. I went to the door. They told me to come in. She told me the price. This wasn't the first time I'd paid for it. Whipped out my, ahem, debit card. The heat of the pizza shop made me delirious. Like a Bangkok hotel. I stepped out into the cold Cleveland air with my two hot numbers in my arms. I quickly raced home to have my way with my saucy Italian tarts. Let's just say when it was all over, I was beyond satisfied. Late at night, when no one else is available, Nunzio's is the place to go for some cheap fantasy fulfillment. If your fantasy is pizza.