If you're looking for the greasiest Irish dive bar in downtown Cleveland, then this is your place. It has been around since before the prohibition, at least according to the owner, Morgan- who is full of outrageous and hilarious stories from yesteryear, in between sexual jokes and Cleveland sports talk. You never really know what to expect here, anything from a classic 1 beer x 1 cigarette scenario, to random floods of downtown event goers howling ballads from the late 70's in a drunken celebration of their co-workers birthday.
However as my home away from home, most of my time here is spent sipping Coors Lights and ripping lukewarm fireball shots at happy hour while chain smoking on the comically small back patio that everyone seems to flock to. The same patio that has colorful Christmas lights strung haphazardly year-round, from the shattered window next to the tub of cigarette butts that no one seems to use - instead flicking them to see who can get closest to the crack of the 8 story parking garage pinning you in less than 15 feet away.
This isn't the place to find the best happy hour deals, to feel like you're in the most comforting environment, or to meet potential opposite-gender candidates to accompany you through the night, but Mort's is a place to make memories. Take someone from out of town for a true Cleveland experience they will probably not forget. My memories here - from eating pizza off the back ally dumpster, to inadvertently exposing myself publicly whilst peeing in the unflushable toilet of the doorless men's room bordering the legendary patio in 0 degree weather at 11:30PM on a weekday - I wouldn't trade for anything.