| rev:text
| - There's an interesting adage among men that goes, "sex is like pizza, there's no such thing as bad pizza." Well I'm not going to ruminate on the former right now, but the latter myth about the pizza has been completely debunked by Happys Pizza.
I'll start with the highlights. I was drawn into the store by an empty stomach with a pizza craving, the "neon light sign on acid" Happys Pizza pizza parlor decor, and the promise of a large specialty pizza for a mere $10 bucks approximately. It gets better. Three "barely-legal" young ladies happily welcomed me into the well-lit, hiphop-music filled point-of-sale. These things are what earned my one star rating but sadly, from there it was downhill...
Barely after I entered my order, paid, and retreated to the window sill seating, I noticed just how "Happy" the staff really was to be there. The counter staff immediately began texting, loudly gossiping all their business, and actually serving themselves soda in paper cups directly from the 2-Liter customer cooler behind the register. I half expected them to put the half-drained 2-liter bottle back in the cooler when they were done, to keep it cool.
My comfortable perch on the window sill allowed me to also observe the staff preparing the food. Things weren't quite so festive back there. First of all, the ethnic divide was stark and more than obvious. Trust me, walking from the counter to the back seemed tantamount to walking into a different neighborhood or maybe even a different country...and they were consistently working. I was p!$$@d for them, so I could imagine how they felt. I was just hoping at this point that they weren't taking it out on my pizza.
Surprisingly the pizza was finished on time, although I wouldn't have known it if I was relying on the counter staff. I had to interrupt one of the girls who was on her cell phone when I realized the box that had been placed on the rack behind the counter had my name on it. Without interrupting her convo she handed me my dinner...she did give a big smile and mouth the words "Thank You" tho.
Now for the food. I'll make it quick. I'll just say that the pizza was like nothing I have tasted before...not in a good way. The pizza sauce was a weird kind of sweet, much sweeter than any I have ever tasted...makes me suspect ketchup, and the crust was very bland...and I am a crust guy. I got a vegy specialty pizza and we'll just say the veggies were nowhere near the level of let's say a Dewey's, let alone a Papa John's or other chain. They seemed canned. What should I expect from a $10 specialty pizza right? I couldn't eat more than one piece. I didn't bother to take it back.
For a second, I was a bit worried about my unique name attached to this review and having to take on an alias if I ever went back to Happys, then I had to check myself...I'm never going to be going back to Happys.
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