| rev:text
| - Ok so there are 2 reasons why I'm writing this review.
1. I love lasagna. I'm seriously Garfield's long lost human sister.
2. Creepy people make me go into uncontrollable rambling fits.
I know some people may be offended by this, but I LOVE Olive Garden. I know, I know it's not "real" Italian food. I don't care. I love it and you can't stop me. Not to mention, they never look at me all crazy when I walk in there with my ripped jeans and/or ripped t-shirt, my hair a mess in a pony tail, and sporting my rockstar sunglasses because it's way too f-ing bright outside (thanks Vegas heat!). I'm sure I look like I have been living on the street for a week but they don't care. They are always polite and the wait is never long.
After we are seated, I just sit and impatiently wait for the person I'm with to figure out what they want. I never browse the menu because I get the same thing every time, can you guess what it is? =) So then the waiter or waitress comes by and we order quickly. Sorry waiters and waitresses of the world, but I am the quiet order-er. I can't help it, but to make up for it I will point to what I want on the menu so if you can't hear me, at least (hopefully) you can read. Also, I don't want you f-ing up my order. I do this because I'm shy and if, by chance, I can't pronounce it.. I don't want to sound like a speak n spell.
I'm a people watcher so I spend a lot of time looking at other people in the restaurant and the employees there. I will usually find someone interesting and make up their life story. Yes, I'm easily amused. The waiter/waitress will bring out bread sticks and I will proceed to hoard them and keep them for my own.. unless the person I'm with is very persuasive. So we get our food, which is always the same and always good. That's when it happens...
The manager or whatever starts lurking around the tables, watching people eat and looking for his prey. I don't like to be observed like an animal at feeding time, so I carefully track him throughout the meal. Always careful to never make eye contact and slightly slouch down in my seat to avoid detection. Why am I doing this you may ask.. because if I don't, he will make a beeline straight for our table and start asking how things were and blah blah blah. I can appreciate the fact that leadership or managers want to make sure their business is doing well but here its all so FAKE. Every guy at every Olive Garden who is concerned how they are doing is fake fake fake fake fakey mcfakerson. It annoys the crap out of me and since I can't even put my big girl voice on to order, I definitely don't want to talk to them! It just comes off as creepy, like someone just put in fresh batteries and so they are all juiced up with fakeness. I usually remain silent at this point and let my poor dining partner fend for themselves. Sorry, but now you have been warned.
Basically what I'm saying is stop being a creepy fake. Don't stalk me while I'm eating and don't talk to me unless you are trying to pump me full of bread sticks!
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