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  • I think Margaritaville exists only to give others what a prelude of what Hell, if it indeed exists, would be like; consuming overpriced coconut shrimp and other seafood cliches while the same four or five songs are pumped through the sound system (with accompanying video, because nothing whets your appetite like seeing senile rock stars struggling through a live performance). The food looks and tastes like a Red Lobster menu with a makeover. It's the same garbage you've eaten at every other seafood restaurant ever, except this time the dishes have clever references to Jimmy Buffet songs in their name. What's the difference between the "Cheeseburger In Paradise" and a Whopper? Five bucks. Every drink contains sweet and sour mix. I swear to god, even my pina colada had a greenish tint to it. On busy nights they hire clowns and stilt walkers, who sing along to the songs and even add in their own words. Sometimes they walk to your table and shoot fake ketchup at you. At least you know why the food is overpriced, right? As if all these crimes against decency aren't enough, if you end up having to wait for a table you're encouraged to browse the gift shop, where for the cost of your dinner you can get a shirt depicting a parrot interpreting the lyrics of the very song you've been forced to listen to all night. Where's a White Castle when you need one?
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