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  • I have never been so retro-actively angry at my parents as I was when I was at Medieval Times. When I was wee we lived in the UK, and at the age of four I used to regularly watch PBS-style programming on Tudor England. I was obsessed. "Where do you think young Elizabeth was when her mommy was beheaded? I think I'd hide under the bed..." and other such things were apparently said on the regular. So imagine how pissed I was when I realized I spent my whole childhood not being taken to Medieval Times or similar such places. The good news is, this ridiculous Toronto staple is just as fun for adults. First you walk in and it's all souvenirs, trumpeters, swords and a bar. So we bought some novelty cups and started drinking. I then decided to upgrade my paper crown to a princess thingy, which I *will* wear again. You're then ushered into the show. I highly recommend red, because it's the best colour and our knight won, and I have a feeling they actually don't switch it up that often (sorry to ruin the magic). The food got progressively worse as the night went on, but the garlic bread, tomato soup and chicken were actually totally fine. Just keep on drinking and don't get too excited about desert, because it's brutal. This place is too expensive. I question the quality of the lives of the horses. It is packed with too many children's birthday parties and acts as a sort of birth control. You simply have to go, Lords and Ladies.
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