| rev:text
| - Why am I the first to review this place? It's been on the map for as long as I can remember and it's been the same icky, weird staff and "just okay" Japanese food for just as long.
In any case, it makes a compelling case as as nicer than average restaurant. It's a large building and has all the hallmarks of a great Japanese eatery. Sushi bar, live seafood you can choose yourself, and management that hires native Japanese to serve you. All signs point to greatness!
Somewhere between the Greatness road sign and the arrival at actual Greatness, someone seems to have taken Mr. Potential and kicked his teeth in before repeatedly punching his groin and laughing as he robbed him of his money.
Let me explain:
I have give this place repeated chances to show me that it's worth the real estate it's planted on and repeatedly I have felt like Mr. Potential must have felt after his beating.
I've been there with groups, alone, on dates and each time it's either inattentive or rude wait staff and middling food that isn't anywhere near the price of admission.
The last (and final) time I went to Ichi Ban (ironically meaning Number 1 in Japanese HA!) I took my girlfriend of a year as a treat for both of us. Why did I go here? You ask a good question and I have no acceptable answer other than I may have subconsiously wanted to break it off with Sandie (I now have nick-named her "The Sand Demon" - say it out loud. It makes sense... seriously. Sand Demon... Sandie... but I digress) and this was a perfect way to do it.
The food was once again quite bad and to add insult to injury, after delivering our food our waiter began his assault.
Upon finding out I speak fluent Japanese, he switched entirely over to speaking Japanese. Leaving me to translate everything into English for the Sand Demon. As if that weren't bad enough, he began asking me if she was "a dirty girl" because she sure looked like one to him.
I couldn't believe what he was asking me and definitely wasn't going to translate it for Sand Demon, but just in case I misunderstood him, I asked him to explain what he meant. He went on about how she had a nice rack and long legs and that she just looks like a good time in the sack.
Some people might view this as a compliment in some way, but I usually don't have kind words for a guy who tells me my girlfriend looks whorish and a good lay. I told him in my most polite Japanese that he'd never get the chance to find out since he most likely couldn't get laid in a brothel and we left.
At the time it wasn't funny, but it's pretty funny now. Sure, he was being rude but in retrospect she was kind of a whore. But there's no review area for ex's by the name of Sand Demon so that's all I'll say about that... for now.
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