| rev:text
| - I enjoy the finer things in life. The music of Air Supply, the films of Michael Bay, and fine dining. So when I drunkenly stumbled across the Shout House one evening, I knew this place was right up my alley.
I got into the restaurant and was told to sit wherever I please. That's always a sign of a classy restaurant. Freedom to do as you want, America style. I sat outside because I wanted to make sure that as many people as possible saw me eating there. I was not disappointed. I can't even tell you how many people walked by saying, "you're in for the worst experience of your life." I knew they were just jealous.
The waitress, whose name escapes me (because of the aforementioned drunkenness), took about ten minutes to decide to come to our table. I like it when restaurants seem to have a policy of making their patrons wait. It just amps up the anticipation. I ordered a Blue Moon, because I had already had eleven Jack and Cokes before breakfast and figured it was time to slow down. I had just come from church, for chrissakes.
Taste is not a thing I enjoy, so when my Blue Moon arrived watered down fifteen minutes later (more waiting! :D) I was particularly excited. "Mmmm this is totally worth $5," I thought.
"I'm glad you like it," replied my striking blonde (?) waitress.
"Did I say that out loud?" I said back. I really can't stress enough how drunk I was.
"You did. You've also been ranting about Communists since you came in, and I think you peed your pants."
"You have a good eye, sir."
"I'm a woman."
We sat there in silence for four minutes.
"FOOD!" I said. "I want food!"
This startled the waitress, and she screamed.
"Feed me."
"Yes, fine. What will it be?"
"Cheeseburger and fries. Medium."
"Done deal."
Forty minutes later my burger showed up. Some people like to compare food to heaven, others hell. "Mmmm this is purgatory!" I exclaimed! "There's absolutely nothing notable about this food at all. And look! You forgot the cheese! I knew it would bring too much spice to my meal."
Half an hour later, my ginger (?) waitress returned with the check. "Wow! All this for only $40!?" I said.
"I expect a good tip," my waitress, who I think had black hair, said.
"Oh you'll get a good tip!," I replied. As soon as she walked away, I got up and left because I suddenly remembered I had no money.
I would DEFINITELY recommend The Shout House to anyone who likes watered down beer, burgers that taste like water, and waiting around.
I just remembered, my waitress was a brunette. And a man.
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