| rev:text
| - DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY.
As a preface, I'd like to point out that I've been to Vegas many, many times before this trip. I know the way of the city and how the clubs work, so... Not my first rodeo.
My friends wanted to do something different for one of our birthdays, so I decided to go with the flow on this one, knowing it was going to be a sub-par experience. But hey... It's Vegas!
I can see how a misguided, early-twenties person from Podunk cow shit town might find this "party bus tour" (that term is a stretch but we'll get there) a change of pace from their normal life, but I think we can all agree that most of us adults aren't that naive.
Let's start with the basics. We were supposed to leave at 10. When we arrived at our pick-up location, some bullshit was spat out by our tour guide about how "we're on the last bus so it's going to be another hour". "Okay, I'll humor this excuse," is what I thought. They changed our pickup time to 10:40. Then after a promised "five more minutes", the bus came at 11:05.
Even though they promise you free drinks on the bus, we're told we can only have champagne on the way to the first stop. By the time our champagne was poured, we were already at our first stop. It was less than a five minute drive and we didn't even have time to drink our watered-down champagne.
We had an hour at our first club, which was totally fine with me since I've seen caves with more excitement inside. That club was so horrible I'm not even sure how it's still open.
Half the people from our bus had disappeared after our first stop. I think they were catching on to the bullshit. Or they got lost inside the infinite black hole known as 1-Oak.
We finally got the drinks we were promised on the way to the second stop. We didn't have time to drink them, but we received them. We stood in line at Haze for way longer than we should have. Our guide looked nervous, like he was having trouble getting us in. Once we finally got it, we were informed we had to be back on the bus in 40 minutes. Ok... So... If you don't know how a Vegas club works, this may seem like a reasonable amount of time. Here's what happened: we walked in, fought our way to the bar, ordered our drinks (compliments of some Italian men in suits), received said drinks, then walked with said drinks toward the exit. We literally stood at the exit of Haze, trying to finish our drinks without missing our bus.
We then stopped at the famous Las Vegas sign, which was pretty neat. I had never seen that before and it would have been SUPER DUPER awesome if the one picture our tour guide took was usable. He gave us about 60 seconds to run up, look at the sign, then wrangled us all back into the bus because we "had to leave". He snapped one picture of the entire group but it didn't turn out. Cool.
At this point, I'm like 200% done I literally can't even. I'm sober, hungry, angry at my horrible investment, but whatever.
When we arrive to the final club, we're all pretty much ready to peace the fuck out of dodge. My group of friends didn't even go into the club because there was a line and party dude couldn't get us in. We bounced like a handball.
I feel like I just threw $200 at a poker dealer, then ran off without seeing my cards.
If you want to spend $200 on something fun in Vegas, do anything else. Literally, anything else.
End rant.
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