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| - So if bodily functions offend you... READ NO FURTHER.
As I sit here on the pot in saying to myself... Ah this is how those chicks felt in the movie Bridesmaids. I think possibly Linda Blaire is hiding somewhere in this gigantic a** of mine. Let's rewind to the beginning shall we?
I'm hungry.. So, I think hmmmm I want pizza, looking through the menus I say to myself, there's no way i'm going to find pizza as good as Chicago. So... I decide to yelp food. I remember there is a buffet here, two of them in fact. So, I yelp the "world carnival buffet". Rave reviews.. "best buffet in Vegas" yada yada yada. Ok, i'm convinced i'm gunna eat fat girl style. Omg.... I decide to be adventurous, i'm gunna try roasted duck. Tasted more like roasted death! Everything tasted funny. Not 1 thing I tried did I think, damn this is good. Even the desserts to me were bad. Thank God i'm afraid to try sea food, could've had a worse ending. So... I leave. I'm walking through the casino which is probably the biggest one i've been in, and I feel my tummy start expanding.... Uh oh.... I better walk faster. Squeezing my butt cheeks together tighter than the newbie in prison. I seriously didn't think I'd make it.... But I did. Thank God, cuz projectile poop in yoga pants calls for a bad day. Moral of the story "don't do buffets, order crappy pizza instead!" Ok, I think it's safe to get off this thing.
Sigh...
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