| rev:text
| - Linda had her birthday party here last night...and there was no bottle service, and I had a good time. Amazing...
Standard drama at any Toronto nightclub, slight confusion at the door, having to line up momentarily even when we were on the guestlist and arrived on time. Bouncer looked at me funny.
Hemp dress pants, brown wingtips, French cuffs, white cardigan, white tie with purple leopard print, and a whole grey fox pelt scarf. Like, a whole pelt with the head stuffed. Nothing funny.
The coat check girl received my fox in slow motion with her eyes almost popping out of her socket in horror. She hung it on top of all the other coats, and this girl in our party took a photo, and the photo was creepy as hell.
Two Redbull & Belvedere costs $28, + $2 tip. Thirty bucks for an energy drink with vodka...this place can go F-itself. I did end up ordering my usual, which is asking the bartender to make me the most girly drink that's not a Bellini. I had no idea what she gave me, but it was delicious, and she put it in a wine glass so everyone could make fun of me. That bartender was ripe.
I also noticed the totally not my type dancers who were pretty hot as well. Actually one was really hot, and I had to respect that ass by giving it a once-over, and then the second-over. Little imagination went into their costume, if you know hat I mean.
The clientele was a nice mix of Asian Americans, and a few other ethnicity that I cannot decipher. There's a healthy abundance of silicone and saline bouncing around, and their hosts are generally as outgoing as their surgeries.
I bumped into my friend Mark, so I was now comfortable with being able to slide back and forth in social groups. Mark's friends had a table, so I found myself doing the "stand next to the people who had a table" dance which involves minimal body movement while holding an over priced drink that I'm trying to ration. Serious, bloody cheeky prices!
Towards the end of the night, I retrieved my fox from a hipster looking coat check attendant. I sensed a slight disapproval from him with my fashion ethics, but he was pretty professional about it. The coat check asks for your initials, and there's a sign recommending you to take a photo of your ticket, which definitely came in handy when Linda needed to retrieve her jacket.
During the evening, I was molested by a number of girls because of my fox. One girl loved it so much she insisted on wearing it. I gave it to her, and she gave it back to me with the tail ripped off. I don't know what came over me, but I wasn't even close to being pissed off. It sucks, but it still had the legs so I didn't mind. Usually I would flip out and slap her or something, but that simply didn't happen. Mark offered to pay for it, but I couldn't let him do that because it wasn't his fault, despite it being him to who introduced me to tag/tail poppin' girl.
My friend Ryan tried to get me to dance with these two girls who actually was all over me, and I pushed him back stating very clearly; "Rule #1: No girl at the club!"
"What's rule #2?" Asked Linda.
I uhh...I don't know." I replied, then pretending to be tipsy because I really didn't have a response. I'll admit, some of the girls here were pretty cute. But I just came back from China, and my standards renders me virtually girl blind in Toronto.
The lights here are truly ANNOYING. Sticks of LEDs descend from the ceiling in constant flashing. It's worse than a 90's rave. If you have seizures from these things, then this place is a death sentence.
It's pretty crowed upstairs, but the downstairs bar area is totally dead.
Uniun is where Devil's Martini used to be I think. The bouncers here are pretty cool. I don't know what else to say.
While waiting near the entrance at the end of the night, two girls approached me. The taller one put her hands on my fox and asked what it was. I told her it was a grey fox, and she asked me whether if it was real.
Yes I told her, and the exchange went on as follows:
"Don't you think it's retarded that you're wearing a fox around your neck?" She asked.
"Aha, umm..don't you think it's retarded that they put you on the no fly list?" I replied.
"You are grossly overweight." Said this total bully.
"Thank you, thank you" I said and left.
Really? I know we still judge people by what they wear, but that was just elementary.
I told this story to Bobby. N when I saw him at a after hours Vietnamese restaurant afterwards. She called me "Hard".
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