| rev:text
| - I remember eons ago......
.....having a grade school teacher whose name was Mrs. Henderson (cue the horror music).
Bloody Hell did I despise her!!!
In addition to assigning homework over the holidays, she'd reserve no hesitation in grabbing her yard stick (that she'd appropriately given the name "The Board of Education") to issue "swats across the knuckles" of boys and girls that arrived to class tardy, those that chewed gum or candy, or those that dared to challenge her (despite their actually having been correct when responding).
These days, such an unwarranted level of unorthodox secondary parenting would be completely frowned upon, but MANNNNNN - what a beeyotch!!!
Years later, while attending college, I received word that she'd "cashed in her chips". I was driven to skip my course on Tupac-ology 101 (Google it, it's real).......simply to make the drive out.
Come to think of it, I can't state that I commenced in said drive because my heart wept for this troll's family and loved ones, ....IF, she even had any.
If anything, I just wanted to tip my 40 and chant, "Ding Dong ....the bitch is dead" around her casket a few times, while quoting the state capitals alphabetically, backwards and.....in Spanish! (whoosah......)
My therapist seems to think that I'm making strides of progress......
Fortunately, fellow Yelpers, this review ain't about Mrs. Henderson, whose husband reserved no time in remarrying; it's about (wait for it.....)
************************ THE CITY OF HENDERSON, NV ---
Las Vegas's kid sister, who similar to Janet or Solange, ....somehow managed to establish her own identity, in spite of her famous sibling receiving all of the attention. MJ....Beyonce', this review ain't for you! It's for the underdogs, so here goes.
Occupying dank, dusty, desert space roughly 15 miles or so southeast of "Sin City" sits this Clark County desert gem that has just as reputably established a claim to fame having made Forbes' 2011 list as "America's 2nd safest city".
Ohhh, the irony.
I can't state that I ever felt all that safe around Mrs. Henderson and while the sleep terrors have finally ceased, I still struggle to visit this town without breaking into a cold sweat that's typically accompanied by nausea and an awkward onset of bubble guts.
_____________________________________
-- In any case, are you struggling to locate some place to let the kids roam freely without the need to worry about them stepping on a used condom, befriend a hooker or stumble upon a nudie' mag-?!
-- Is the unbearable drive from CA to NV enough for you to pull a prompt Snagglepuss reroute and while, "exiting stage right .....on the 215" will hardly get you to Henderson, without a doubt do you know that Flamingo, Tropicana and/or ANY PLACE "Strip" related is hands down.... a no go?!
-- Or better yet, are you dropping the wife and kids off at The Mirage for the "LOVE Cirque du Soleil" performance and while YES, you purchased everyone's tickets, you'd much rather get your freak on with an escort but booking your own room at Monte Carlo is just......too close to home!?
_______________________________________
No judgement at all. Kenny Ken's gotchu' covered and I've "done the homework" for you.
In addition to a handful of casinos (Fiesta Henderson, Green Valley Ranch, Sunset Station.....), shopping malls and retail outlets are in absolute abundance, there are restaurants galore (despite the fact that most of them are chained establishments), the housing market is BOOOMING!, and the people are less strange than say....any of the weirdo's rummaging freely around the East Harmon vicinity, which served as the former home to Rumor Boutique .......(as I see it, that speaks volumes).
An extra perk of its close proximity to "the city" is that Uber and Lyft won't suck you dry (pun intended) and provided that late night harlot becomes a weirdo herself, .....rides from Henderson to Vegas won't emulate the slots and break the bank.
Should your desire be something a bit more outside of the box, .....(coughs) the Chicken Ranch in good ole' Pahrump, is just a jump, skip and a hoe hop away.
Just be sure to destroy your receipt(s). Hell, you'd come out well tossing them into Lake Las Vegas.
#what-goes-on-in-vegas-may-stay-in-vegas
BUT ... I assure you,....
what-goes-on-in-henderson-could-make-you-wish-you'd-gotten-that-prenupt-
I hope you're taking notes. While there won't be a pop quiz, .... NONE of this information can be located within the "Henderson Post" and I don't fathom Toni Braxton, Celine Dion or Mike Tyson providing a "hook up" of this magnitude.
_____________R.I.P. Mrs. Henderson______________
Ahhhh, who the hell am I kidding???
Burn in hell, you trauma inducing wench! I've got 99 problems but passing your History course was NEVER one!
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