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| - I wasn't sure I was ready to write about Duff's, yet. It's a pretty profound spiritual and salivary experience, even just sitting here thinking about it.
Sidebar: Try to understand, guys who like spicy food have a bit of a tough time of it. Any pursuit of spicy is read as machismo, and protests to the contrary just dig deeper. What can I say? I eat spicy on my own, when no one's looking. I promise. Some people just seem to have their spice receptors wired directly to endorphin release, and I'm one of em. So when I say this next thing, I hope it will be taken as the significant and earnest sentiment it is intended to be:
Duff's Armageddon wings are the single spiciest thing I have ever eaten.
You want the stock review? Okay: Duff's is a cozy little place along a nice strip of Bayview. There's always a line up, but they turn people over pretty quickly, and the owner's out there every night chatting with you and giving you the run down if it's your first time. The beer list is uninspiring and short, but gets the job done. The sides and appetizers are pretty good, indeed I genuinely like their fries - they aren't just along for the ride. All in all, it would be a fine little 3- or 4-star hangout depending on how you ranked space issues against tastiness.
But if you like spice, and I do, and it's my review so you'll just have to play along, this place is unreal. They list their wing sauces in terms of Scovilles, the dilution-based unit used to evaluate spiciness. I think that's gimmicky, and I'm almost certain their numbers are inflated, but it does signal quite effectively what kind of establishment you're entering. It is a kingdom of spice, the servers all wear shirts that say "Remember, medium is hot, medium hot is very hot, hot is very very hot."
Above "hot" is "super hot" and through to this point we've been on a consistent, classic wing recipe. Strong vinegar, bright red/orange sauce with bright cayenne notes, big crisp wings with *great* heat. They could top out at Super Hot and even spice chasers would be happy. But they have two more offerings: Death and Armageddon. These two share a recipe with each other, but are vastly different from the others. A dark, smokey sauce with lots of Habañero and Scotch Bonnet. Beautiful smell when it hits the table, heat that hits your eyes.
And the spice? Unbelievable. I'd give Death a pass, no point in half measures once you're on this terrain. But the Armageddon is like nothing I've ever tasted. The sweats start right away, my fingers tingle and my eyes water and honestly, I start to get twitchy. My foot's tapping, I'm banging the table. How many meals do you have that get your whole body going this way? I have to stop and let my mouth recover after half an order, use some fries to soak up the heat, use some beer to break it down.
My brother and I will sometimes share a double order, half Armageddon, half Super Hot and while the super hot are tasty, their (substantial) heat is barely detectable in the post-Armageddon haze. We leave that place worn out - spent. Nowhere else have I had food that beat me up that much, or made me so happy to be beaten.
The owner says he can't personally handle anything above medium.
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