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  • It's Friday night and your wife asks what you're doing tomorrow. Always on your feet, you make up some bullshit about helping out at Habitat for Humanity, spackling drywall or something important like that. You're really going to the horse track and titty bar with your buds, but no point in starting a fight...she'll appreciate your day's activities when you come home drunk and balls out horny. Good logic, I know. She then informs YOU of HER plans for the day....shopping, and not for groceries. Shit. Your' day 'o fun plans have just gone up in smoke...you know the ending to this story. She comes home with a dozen bags from all the big stores, pirouettes around the room holding up each item, announcing, "Guess how much I saved today?" The Visa bill will be here soon enough you're thinking, no point in guessing. What do you do? Cancel your 'Habitat' plans and offer to take her to the Scottsdale Quarter for a day of chaperoned shopping. Once there, usher her directly to H & M, find a seat on the bench outside, whip out your Ipad and settle in for an afternoon of Angry Birds. Between the cheap deals, and the long lines to try stuff on, mostly from every middle-aged mom and her teen who feel the need to try everything on, she'll be in there for hours. Guys, you'll love H & M. I think it stands for Hit and MIss on the fashion side, but who cares, you don't have to wear any of that stuff. Their prices are so cheap, it's as if cheap walked into the room and gave birth to Cheaper, making certain there'll be plenty of room on the Visa bill for a couple of ATM withdrawals next Saturday when you're at the track and titty bar. If you do go to H & M, stop and say hi. I'll be the guy sitting on the bench outside pretending to play Angry Birds, giving off a really bad vibe to all the women strolling by as I furtively check out their backsides. Maybe I should have gone to 'Habitat' instead. Yeah, no, I should have gone to Habitat.
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