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  • The Woods is a philosophical conundrum for me, since it's everything I theoretically should want in a restaurant. It's local, and proudly so. It's anti-chain restaurant, which being a hipster Portlandia aspirant, I adore. It's a beautiful place to sit, with a lush welcoming architecture that's somehow comforting. But the food is so mundane I just can't fall in love. There's nothing notably awful about The Woods, but they have the style of Italian that seems to be "put more cheese on it," and the tomato sauce I had has been invariably bland. It feels somewhat like a remnant from the 1980s to me, back when Italian food had nothing to do with Italy and everything to do with what Americans expected Italy to be like. They have huge portions, the kind you take home afterwards in a sagging doggy bag. And it's quite edible. But for what you get, I'd expect the meals to be $1-3 less per entree, as it feels a little by-the-numbers. There are no surprises. Then again, I also feel like a dick for writing that, because hey, The Woods is a Rocky River institution. It's been here since I moved here twelve years ago, and probably will be here after I die. So who am I to tar it? It's solid for what it does. I just kind of wish it did more, but it's ensconced, and the formula is clearly winning for them even if it's not winning for me. So hey. Give it a shot. Maybe you can spark a romance here.
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