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| - DO NOT BELIEVE THE HYPE; Kultura is all smoke and mirrors with NO culinary substance to speak of. It tries too hard to provide upscale service as a way to mask their ultimately mediocre, and sometimes downright bad, food.
PRICE:
- For what you actually get in taste and finesse, it's highway robbery.
- For the prices that you're paying (average $17 per appetizer) you should not have to feel like they are butchering the ingredients.
- Only saving grace is that their wine by the glass selection (around $12) was quite good.
SERVICE:
- The service was fine. The host was helpful as was the waitress and the runners who described the dish to you. No one was snotty and overall it was alright.
- Only problem I had was I couldn't understand the bridging between the type of service they're trying to provide with the type of food they're sending out. They had their staff explain the dishes to you in an attempt at fine dining but from the moment you put any of it in your mouth it's such a complete disappointment that service without a description would have been less insulting.
AMBIANCE/CROWD:
- There are three areas to the restaurant. The main floor section where it's more quiet and more conducive to one on one gatherings.
- The second floor is divided into two areas. The front area that matched the downstairs area quite well but the back room area was reminiscent of what a mafia team would have put together. Brick walls, high ceilings, dark colours, bar on one side and an overall I-had-to-go-through-a-small-back-street,-through-three-back-doors-and-a-kitchen-to-get-into-this-secret-operation kind of place.
- Crowd: like as if Woodbridge exploded everywhere and was the new colour of the season. (No offense to anyone from Woodbridge). People were around mid-late twenties with too much attitude but no substance to back it up with. A lot of pretension: cold stares, uptilted chins, big hair, men's arms draped on backs of sofas.
- The majority had definitely gum-smacked their way down from the 905.
FOOD:
***WHERE DO I EVEN START TO DESCRIBE THE CATACLYSMIC CULINARY CATASTROPHE THAT IS KULTURA?!?!***
- First of all they describe themselves as a tapas style restaurant. Okay seems appealing and like a nice idea but WHAT A FAILURE it really is.
- Sun dried tomato naan ($10) was chewy and tough in ways that a flaky and airy naan bread should NOT be.
- Ahi Tuna Cornets ($14). One would think for something raw they wouldn't be able to mess it up. Think again. They smother the tuna in so much sauce that any taste of the fish is gone. Whatever happened to respecting the ingredients? Not to mention that the tuna was chopped so tiny that mixed in the sauce you wouldn't even know you had a protein in there. And then the bloody cornets that they're in?!?! I understand what they're trying to do is play with the idea of contrasting flavours; to juxtapose an ingredient with it's opposite as to bring out the best in both...but it just wasn't executed well at all. The hardness of the cornet shell with the texturally soft but overpowering flavour of the tuna/sauce was jarring.
- Beef carpaccio. One of my favourite dishes...but NOT from here. It's raw. It should be a no brainer but apparently not. First of all, it came THICK and just slightly pink in the centre so obviously it was cut from a piece of meat that has been sitting around for a while and not actually raw. Good carpaccio should be so thin that it cooks itself at room temperature. Apparently our cow had sunbathed quite a bit before going on the plate. VERY big disappointment.
- Seared scallops ($18). Three pieces. Saving grace is that the size was good and it was cooked well. Not raw. Not overcooked. Just right. Unfortunately, once again they try to do just too darn much and smothered the scallops in overpowering herbs and sauces. Rather than bringing out the flavour of the scallop, it completely masked it.
- Sesame Oil Hamachi ($14). Same old Kultura story. Too much going on. Hamachi is a beautiful fish with a very distinct flavour that is completely masked and butchered here.
- Sushi pizza ($13). In my opinion, sushi pizza is not something that can be done easily. It runs the easy risk of being overcooked. At least Kultura hit the mark on that one. Kultura over-fries the rice so that it's so crunchy that it gets stuck in your teeth and is pretty much inedible. If you need a tooth pulled, come to Kultura: their sushi pizza is bound to pull out a few for you and then some.
BOTTOM LINE: Kultura tries to be something it's not. It's not exciting. It's not new. It's not fine dining. It tries to be with it's decor and service (a la dish description) but it falls so short in its culinary skills that you're better off going somewhere else...like Canoe or Pangaea where service matches food. THAT'S fine dining. Not Kultura.
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