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| - 5 Stars to Walmart, really? Yep, and here's why! First, I HATE giving all my $ to the Waltons and Jeff Bezos, but what do I do, I buy from them almost every stinkin' day.... This is my local Walmart that I've been going to since they opened, at least twice a week. I've even been to this stupid Walmart 4 times IN ONE FREAKING DAY! So that puts me at well OVER 1,000 trips to this Walmart over the last 10 years. I know what you're thinking, this guy obviously just needs to get out of the house, well maybe or he's just the king of saying "Yes, Dear!" as I head out with (and many times without) THE list. Because more often than not you can find me staring at my phone near the front door, wondering where the heck THE LIST is. One time I texted my beautiful wife about 45 times 1 word at a time when I got there because she wasn't answering: I'VE, BEEN, HERE, FOR, 10, MIN., WHERE, IS, THE, LIST?, WHY, WONT, YOU, ANSWER, YOUR, PHONE?, YOU, ARE, GOING, TO, KILL, ME, WHEN, YOU, FINALLY, REALIZE, WHO, IS BLOWING, YOU, UP. CAN, I, PLEASE, GET, THE, LIST, PEOPLE, ARE, STARTING, TO, LOOK, AT, ME, FUNNY... Yeah I got a few expletives back when she finally came to.. LOL, it was worth it So, then after I grab the Tide pods, the milk, eggs, pull ups, yadda, yadda, I then get to go up and down the potions and lotions aisle aimlessly looking for some $16 (.03 oz.) bottle of some make up I've never heard of thats so tiny it takes me 10 minutes to find it. Meanwhile all the Women feel like I'm the creeper that wont leave their section! Only to get home and find out I was supposed to get "Organic" Milk, "Lavender" Tide Pods, Size "4T" pull ups "you don't know how big your son is, really?", the brown eggs (not the white ones...). So, needless to say I've been messing up the groceries for well over a decade. BUT WAIT, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER "Cue Hallelujah Choir"! Walmart has a "Grocery" App! Now, my wife picks out exactly what she wants on my Walmart account, and I NEVER HAVE TO GO IN TO THE STORE AGAIN!! Plus the GPS Gods tell them I'm there, so they put the groceries in my car while I watch Netflix in the parking lot, YES, YES, YES! "Oh Babe, when is your order ready for pick up?" Oh ok, well, I cant really go until about 5 when I'm done "working." Hoping pick up will be really busy, so I might even get half a show in while I wait YES, YES, YES!!!! Never again do I have to stare down the largest butt crack on the face of the planet in the scooter in front of me while digging for Goldfish on the bottom shelf! Never again do I have to pretend to be listening to music while shopping because I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone. Never again do I have to go find an unhappy worker to confirm they are really out of "Velveeta Queso Blanco" because I know I'll be in trouble if I don't bring home exactly what was on the list and didn't ask. Never again do I have to be scared to touch a shopping cart worried I might die from the germs. UNTIL..... I'm sitting in the PICK UP cue and I get that text: "Honey, I'm sorry, but I forgot to order butter. Can you PLEASE go inside and get it...... I mean you're already there...." NOOOOoooooooooo screams in my head as I type: "Yes, Dear!"
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