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| - STOP! Put your hands in the air. Phoenix Fashion Week, you are under arrest. Anything you say or do will be used against you.
I'm sending Phoenix Fashion Week to the Fashion Slammer. I don't know who decided to let those "emerging designers" into the Friday night show located on the Wet Deck at the W Scottsdale, but whoever did, committed a serious fashion crime.
This state already has some of the most fashionably challenged individuals that I have ever laid my eyes on, so what really scares me is that this emerging designer Friday night show furthered that poor taste in clothing disease so many Arizonians suffer from.
Strike one, "Couture by Lola" - This entire line looked cheap and unoriginal. Hardly couture. Screen printed hoodies, t-shirts and leggings? Come on now. What a disgrace to Madonna - whose music was playing in the background while the models walked the runway - if you want to have a 80s theme to your clothing, try doing something unique instead of mainstream and boring. Madonna shocked the world, and Lola rocked it to sleep.
Strike two, "Mary Jane Smokewear" - Pot themed clothing equals not a good idea. Another screen printed line of clothing, and it was a smoking disaster. Leave the weed themed clothing to Snoop Dog, please!
Strike three, "Noctis Threads" - Not this again! More screen printing?? All of these articles of clothing were adorned with a hideous screen printed owl. Hoodies, polos, polo dresses, t-shirts.... BOR-ING!
When I think of emerging fashion, I think of something shocking and maybe a little off the beaten path. These designers showcased something that I could find at H&M, American Apparel or the PINK line from Victoria's Secret. All very run of the mill and regular. This was more like a screen printing contest.
Aside from the actual fashion itself, this event was well orchestrated and fun, hence the 3 stars. The runway was set up so that the models walked around the pool (I got excited because I thought they were going to set up the runway though the pool, to make the models look like they were walking on water... but sadly, being the creative and original type of thinker that I am, I set my expectations too high). Photographers were stationed at the end of the runway so when a runway model got to the end and posed, they were greeted with a light show of camera flashes as to give the appearance that these clothing lines were actually noteworthy. The bar line was a little lengthy but it moved quickly and the bartenders were on top of their game. The Fashion Week staff did an excellent job at coordinating the seating and entrance, and the timing in between shows was also perfect. In addition, I must give a big Thank You to Lindsey F. and Yelp for providing me with these fashion week tickets, Lindsey F... you rock! And while the Fashion was so so, I really did have fun taking in the atmosphere. It was a great night out, and I always enjoy me some good old W Scottsdale people watching.
Like the ladies room for example, it was a horrific fashion jungle of hideous strippers and scantily clad ladies sporting their best slutty pieces for the night. That was a whole other experience in itself. I didn't even bother trying to take a look at myself in the mirror, I would have had to fight the horribly clothed fashion beasts reapplying and caking on their makeup for the 20th time of the night just to take a peek at myself and maybe reapply some lip gloss. Ugh.
As my fashion idol, Coco Chanel once said, "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different" - and all of the designers in this show were replaceable. Just go to your local t-shirt screen printer. They could design the same thing, you'll probably pay less and it won't have an ugly owl or pot leaf on it.
Phoenix Fashion Week proved that Arizona is not just one but at least three to four steps behind all of the major metropolitan U.S. cities in fashion forward style. Case closed. Phoenix Fashion Week is now in jail, without any bail.
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