| rev:text
| - The people that run this place have achieved something extraordinary: a restaurant that is so terrible, it is spectacle to be experienced first hand... that is, if you don't have better things to do with $20 (which would be better spent on bartering with the block corner hobo for his half eaten Tim Horton's sandwich).
But anyways, you see, this place is full of amazing surprises. The set-up is standard enough, just what you might expect from a typical Korean BBQ joint. But...
It all starts when you sit down, and attempt to order your food. First you will discover no one working there is in a hurry to coming around. Actually you will find the employees standing as far away from you as possible, in a small huddle talking to each other. Their strategy seems to be to ignore your pitiful existence and your audacity to take up space and breathing room in their restaurant just long enough so you may leave already. "Well, no, that can't be", you say to yourself, and you are patient, so you can wait... but after 15 minutes of waiting, even the oh-so-patient you decides it is time to yell one of the waitresses over.
Ah, but yet you will utterly fail like a moron. You see, they are much smarter than you, and they already expect you might try to holler for their attention. On each side of the restaurant, they have installed three massive large screen TVs, which are somehow perpetually on a channel that is broadcasting soccer games of obscure leagues in some Slavic language blasted at such high volumes that you can't even hear yourself yell, so much for the waitresses.
But you still persist. Now you might resort to helplessly flailing your arms, jumping up and down. Yes, the waitresses can't ignore you forever. Ah, success!! One sees you and grudgingly walks over while rolling her eyes. But when she does, you will wish you had never called her over. You will wish you could just shrivel and die in that moment. Why? Because the waitress will look at you with the most heinous look, so full of despite and inexplicable hatred, you become suspicious of yourself... "did I ever beat-up this girl's grandfather? I must have done something to deserve this!!".
"Snap out of it. That can't be. I'll just order my food." You say to yourself... insanity is already slowly but surely creeping in.
So finally you can order what you want. Here you will see the most amazing feat of memory being displayed in front of you. You may order 10 different things. The waitress nods her head every time you say something, but you don't see a note pad. Incredible! "She is memorizing everything I am saying, how can she?! Wow!!!"
But it is not long before you discover her magic secret. You see, between the blasting TVs, her poor English, her complete hatred towards you as a customer, on top of her utter apathy towards her responsibilities as a waitress, she didn't actually attempt to remember anything you said. She just went to the computer console, and just punched in some random dish orders. As long as you get some sort of thing that looks like food, it will be sufficient and she can go back to the little huddle they are making in the far end of the restaurant, far again from the despicable stench the customers.
Endless eternity passes, and the food does come... eventually anyways. At least they got the water you ordered right. You taste the food... incredible! Somehow everything tastes like week old dog food. The fish, the meat, the rice. Everything tastes like stale dog food. Wow, how do they do that? A culinary feat indeed.
So you eat and finish, because you are starving, and you don't complain because you don't want to offend the angry people any more than you already have by coming here. Now it is time to pay, and you are itching to get your sorry ass out of there. But it is also an opportunity to strike back and get a bit of revenge. Since the service and food was so incredibly bad, perhaps you will try to retaliate by not giving any tip.
and then BAAAMMM!! The next awesome surprise blow. A kick in the balls so hard, that you may just throw up the dog food: A $2 service charge automatically slapped on your bill. This is how incredibly smart they are. They just charge $2 from everyone. No need actually give any service. And I guarantee you, at this moment you will wish that you could instead use that $2 to pay someone to beat the leaving crap out of you... because that will feel better than paying $2 for the atrocious "service" and food you got here. In a last desperate attempt to get back, you think about vomiting the dog food you just ate in the restaurant... but you must hold back, realizing that the only thing worse than the after taste of the dog food is the after taste of the dog food flavored vomit.
You walk out, disillusioned, hating life, hating yourself... vowing never to return, forever having been scarred by this dining experience. But cheer up... after this, no other restaurant can possibly seem bad to you.
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