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| - Jerry once said in Seinfeld "Generally speaking you don't need any extra incentive to murder a dry cleaner." As I dealt with Parkers, I began to understand what he meant. There's nothing 'custom' about their service.
I brought in a Kors suit and Brooks tie immediately after a pigeon dive-bombed me. The woman at the counter threw it all into a bag and said that I could pick it up in a few days - apparently throwing everything into a plastic bag is NOT the thing to do after a pigeon attack as the ammonia in their faeces quickly sets the stain.
When I went to collect everything, I noticed that they hadn't even attempted to remove the residual stains after - without being too graphic - getting the major stuff off. I pointed this out when I went to pick it up and they said they'd send it back to the attention of the manager. I told them to call me so I could talk to whichever expert was looking at it so we could go over my options as I was prepared to do whatever was necessary. But no, they just told me to pick it up when it's ready.
I go back a few days later and notice that the suit and tie are in the exact same condition that I sent them back. They may as well as have stuck them in a closet for 3 days since they looked no better. I call their head office and NOW they tell me that they can't guarantee that they can remove all stains and pigeon stains are especially difficult because of their composition.
I'm sorry, but you've been in business for 140 years. Pigeons, wool suits and silk ties have been around for much longer. I struggle to understand in an age where we can put a man on the moon, vaccinate against small pox, communicate in real time with people on the other side of the world and visualise the very atoms that comprise our universe that NOBODY has figured out how to remove bird excrement from natural fibres. There surely must be a Nobel Prize in it for the chemist who can do that.
So I ask 'Under what circumstances do you offer a refund?' 'Well if we cause the damage, we won't charge.' I would think that any business that prided itself on its reputation would also replace the item that they destroyed. Every other professional does that.
I send it back for a third time, explain again to bring it to the general manager's attention and further sign the paperwork to use whatever means necessary to get the stains out. This time they manage to clean up the suit (Was that so hard?) but the tie still is discoloured. By this point, I figure I'm just wasting time sending the tie back again, so decide to take my loss.
Having said that, I notice on the suit that they pressed it in such a way that there are buckles under the arms and the seams on the bottom of the jacket are rolled outwards instead of inwards or, ideally, right at the seam. They also pressed a bunch of creases right into the middle of the tie, making it even less wearable than it currently is.
I fully understand that dry cleaners aren't magicians, but I want a competent one who takes pride in their work and is willing to work with me instead of just telling me to come back when it's done and they'll see what they can do. This experience left me wondering if I could open my own 'dry cleaning' establishment where I Febreze garments, hastily iron them and shrug when customers come back asking me why the stains are still there. It's pretty much how I feel Parkers treated my stuff.
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