rev:text
| - Don't bother
NC-17
If you're into surprises like some people are into surprise butseks or equivalents thereof, make sure you visit this location. Wanted lactose free? Well you may get whole milk, 20% cream or even cheese nut spread. Who the f**k knows! It's all in the cards for you weary traveller!
You came here thinking to yourself, "You know, I've had a long f**king day, maybe I need to pamper myself with one of those exorbitantly expensive drinks, so what the hey, I'll go to Starbucks!" -- You're in for a treat! Not only will they f**k it up for you, they will f**k it up in random and novel ways! Ways your puny brain could not have even begun to contemplate!
You wanted no sugar added because you go into a coma if you have a tablespoon? Well no matter, the b*tch at the bar will give you two random helpings of syrup! enough to ruin your f**king break, and the rest of your day, but not quite enough to get you to North York General!
To spice things up there are always a few homeless guys hanging around ogling at the chriping high school crowds. This place is just a f**king delight to visit. You do need to have damaged long term memory like me because after six months or so, I forget how horrified I was the last time around, and I'm right back in there ordering my super expensive drink which they're about to bu77 f**k up the arse, yet once again.
And this location gets their staff right from the corporate headquarters! Aren't you glad you're getting the best service this esteemed establishment has to offer?
Enjoy!
|