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| - Sierra Ranch Apartments: Home of the Arizona cockroaches, broken amenities and suffering tenants. Expecting carpet in your sight-unseen apartment (that's how it works here- you only see the model). Well, guess again! You just never know what you're getting!
Upon move in, keep your shoes on & be prepared to scrub a dub-dub, as you wipe away the mystery of the previous tenants. Boy, do they leave you a bunch of grub to clean... from the walls & cabinets to the black floors & splatters on the ceilings. It's silly to think that the complex would have it thoroughly cleaned for their new tenants!
Also, new residents should come equipped with a gas mask as the deathly odor from outside greets you every morning but it is a great ice-breaker in conversation. You can let the complex know something or maybe even someone is dead outside based on the smell, but don't expect help. Although, God did send an angel to fix that problem.
Enjoy the indoor trickle of water that comes from who knows where & pools on your floor. Don't worry about the mess while you go to work, it'll be there waiting for you when you get home, along with the fun new bubbled paint texture on the walls. Kitchen cabinet doors?! Really, who needs them to open & close? Just be ready to catch them if they fall off! Same goes for your cabinet drawers. It's truly more fun to pick up all of your silverware off the floor because the drawer broke...again.
Up for a rousing game of phone tag? Well, the game is actually more like hide-and-go seek where you're 'it' the whole time! Don't ever expect a call back, about anything, even if your neighbor vandalizes your stuff. You can try emails, they like to hide behind those.
Gather the family around the TV (that you are forced to pay for) for game night! No, the game isn't Jeopardy, the game show is if you actually have any channels! It's hit or miss every night. Ok, no TV tonight kiddos, let's go to the pool! OH Bummer! The pool is closed too. For weeks! Oh, well, just keep paying for your broken amenities anyways because any complaints fall on deaf ears. Same goes for internet (required through them). Side note, I'm using someone else's internet to write this.
Need to submit a maintenance report? Well, you can but it'll just get closed. Or deleted, so just go ahead & close it yourself & save everyone the trouble.
Remember the saying, 'Don't let the bed bugs bite?' Well, theorists have decided that the phrase may have originated here at Sierra Ranch. Be ready to cuddle up with cockroaches & whatever else may be lurking in your crummy corners & in your bed (but the manager doesn't care)! Another great family activity is, 'how many flies can you kill in one day?' The complex will call the exterminator for you, but you'll just have to wait until they're free to come, and yep that's going to be awhile.
Moving on, how about we head outside on our patio for our morning coffee? Great! Grab your patio furniture that you keep in your living room because your sticky-finger neighbors think your stuff is their stuff (literally). Don't bother keeping a dog rope outside for little Fido, your neighbors may cut his rope because they 'need' it for something.
At night, be ready to be roused by the screaming of your door alarm alerting you that someone has touched your door knob. It really is exhilarating living alone in a dump! You can tell the complex you want out because you're scared and you've really just had it. And, their 'generous' offer is that you can be out after they collect another month's rent. Contest if you wish based on the law of the land, specifically ARS 33-1324, but they respond, via email of course, that you're threatening them. Funny how the law & the lease they make you sign comes across as a threat!
So, if you're ready to be the next unhappy tenant, just look at the other reviews, go ahead and fill out the app and join the fun! All joking aside, save yourself the trouble, money and peace of mind. Learn from my story
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