| rev:text
| - Great idea, but fail execution.
Well... I don't know about great, but it is certainly an interesting idea. Almost clever.
Going here was my friend's idea - it was either this or get that gastronomical abomination from KFC where they give you a bacon and cheese sandwich and then replace the bread with deep fat fried chicken. I don't like KFC, so I went with this. My choices might as well have been a kick in the face or a stomp on the nuts.
I didn't know what to expect. We walk past the ambulance into the restaurant. The air was thick inside. Oily. I quickly notice that everyone is wearing hospital gowns while devouring their meals. If peopleofwalmart.com was a movie - this would be the cast.
We found ourselves seats and were greeted by a sweet young girl who put a hospital wristband on us and then came around to put on our gowns. The place is staffed with cute girls in nurse costumes. I look down at the menu and the choices are called bypass - the severity varied by how many slabs of meat they put on. It was all kind of fun at first.
I ordered the lightest thing on the menu - a single 1/2 pound burger - also an order of fries (which are unlimited refills) and a water... outside of water, my choices are sugar drinks or beer. My friend ordered a Double Bypass which was a pound of meat, also fries and also beer.
The fries were cooked in lard - they didn't taste too bad, but were not crispy or special at all. They just weren't worth getting up for seconds. Soggy, floppy and flavorless... just something to deliver salt to my stomach.
The burger arrived in a paper tray looking like a sad heap of grease. The bun was glistening - soaked with grease. Butter? Lard? Motor oil? I couldn't be sure, but the first bite told me I didn't want a second. I peeled the top bun from the burger and plopped it in the tray. I attempted to take another bite or two, but couldn't take it. The meat was sub-par shitty, fatty grocery store beef. The cheese was cheap tasting as well.
Not that I expected wine and caviar, but for food this cheap and shit tasting, I wouldn't expect to pay so much.
I didn't eat more than a few bites of the burger and I didn't touch the fries much, but I still felt both full and hungry at the same time. I pretty much just ate a few pickle slices and drank a bottle of water. The waitress asked how I liked it - my friend loved it and said he would've had seconds. I said it was terrible and that I was dissatisfied. I didn't ask for any money off the bill and she didn't offer it either.
Even though I didn't eat it, she charged me 12 bucks or whatever it was. I wasn't entitled to not having to pay or anything - I mean, I ordered it. I should've known what I was getting into. Still, many restaurants would've bent over backwards to make me happy. I can't really bust them down a star for this, but even if I could there's no option for negative stars.
Heart Attack Grill served me one of the worst burgers I've ever had. The novelty of it wore off as soon as my food arrived. If you want to eat an unhealthy yet savory burger/fries meal - go to in'n'out burger.
I will never eat here again. I like greasy food sometimes, but I would rather eat a stick of butter and wash it down with bacon grease. Seriously - fuck this place.
Then again... my friend loved it, so you never know.
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