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| - When I die I want to be embalmed with gravy and buried in cheese curds.
And when I pass on to the other side my immortal soul will end up in a place that serves unlimited quantities of build-your-own poutine. A poutine that's structured on hand-cut locally-sourced fries, unctuous gravy and only the finest Montreal cheese. A poutine that can be topped with an almost endless array of additions including bacon, onions, mushrooms, peppers, cheeses, cured meats and the like.
This kingdom-cum-restaurant would serve up said poutine combos in varying sizes based on my amount of hunger at the time - small, medium and large. And of course to wash down this heady, toothsome, delicious meal, I'd have a choice of cocktails made as a single, double or quad and served in varying sizes of mason jars.
One chilly night in Calgary I thought I had died and gone to my proverbial poutine-laden afterlife when I realized I was just at District, an altogether too-well-lit brewery, bar and restaurant in downtown. This awkward space has the feel of a brewpub (well duh, it is one) that's burdened by a bit of an identity crisis. The food is way too good for this setting; the menus are strewn on chalkboards all over the walls, many of which can't be seen from one specific seat (so you have to get up and walk around to see all the options); and the flow lacks any real feng shui. It doesn't have the feel of a place I'd want to spend a ton of time in...
but I would spend eternity there for the build-your-own poutine if my arteries would allow. Oh, and the gigantic cocktails that are surprisingly good for how giant they are (size and flavor are usually inversely proportional). Well, okay the added bonus of super friendly service and ethos of only stocking local, natural products of the highest quality is something that drives straight to my pleasure center (almost as fast as a hot, gravy-covered bite of cheese and potato).
If you're visiting Calgary or even a local, do yourself a favor and seek this place out. Bring a pair of sunglasses if you want some mood lighting, and make sure you wander over to check out the giant poutine menu in the front corner of the joint. It'll bring you endless happiness.
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