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WARNING: Spak Brothers Pizza is the hippest pizzeria ever...you are not nearly cool enough to eat here so you might as well just pack up your Capri Sun and lug your greasy mouth-breathing philistine ass back up to the Dennys there, guy.
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So I called to order my pizza and I am pretty sure that they just immediately put me on hold just so that they could show off their clever choice in hold music (which was Fugazi-The Waiting Room). Luckily I am a patient boy and eventually they answered the phone so that I could order my large cheese pizza. The large is only 14' which I guess is large by the standards of chain stores likes Dominoes but it was only $8 or so so the value isn't bad.
The interior of Spak Brothers Pizza looks like the restaurant version of a southside pan-handling street junkie punks guitar case, I guess it would be charming if I wasn't getting food here.
As for the pizza.....its not bad but its kind of close.
I will start with the positive first, the sauce. This sauce is strangely original and delicious. Its very heavy on the herby almost bitter side but they have created a really good balance with it that is quite unique. The consistency is nice and thick with tomato strips and crushed tomatoes that seem of high quality. I feel like I am tasting a lot of onion in the sauce but I don't see signs of any, the garlic is heavy but balanced really well. The garlic brings out the sweetness of the tomato which meets the dark essences of herbs and its all just really nice. It may be the best sauce I have had yet in the city.
So on to the negative. These guys are using a brick oven but they use screens to cook the pies. So what could be pretty ok pizza ends up tasting very close to a chain store floppy crap pizza. The pizza had a huge puffy crust and a super thin middle so every slice drooped to the ground like a post-cocaine Dirk Diggler penis. The dough was very flavorless too, the only flavor present at all was a generic taste of salt. The dough reminds me of Papa Johns...but with salt. It was a bit squishy but not crunchy at all, I really feel like these Spak Brothers got this dough recipe from their Papa, John. Maybe if the pizza had been made well and stretched evenly and not made into a bowl shape it could have been less floppy and soggy but with the proportions that were going on it was doomed from the start. Plus the pizzaman spread the cheese on the pie evenly and didn't account for how the cheese would move while cooking. So the result was a lot of cheese migrating into the middle which was already too thin so you end up with pooling of grease in the middle and big puffy dry spots of dough on the outside. They are using a tasty high quality cheese and the portion was pretty good had it been distributed well across the whole pie. The pie was cooked well and was a good color but did not taste as it looked.
All my bike riding friends tell me that this place has "great seitan wings" or "delicious veggie burger" or "yeah man, you gotta try the tree bark hoagie" and I am sure the Spaks are probably great at making all of that kind of stuff, but they have a ways to go on the pizza. If they were to hire some real pizzamen and start making the pizza on the brick it would do them a world of good, the execution is the main flaw here. I would give it a try just for the sauce, I bet this pizza would be pretty good if you were to reheat it on a pizza stone at home and crunch it up a bit. If you do order from them though you may want to pay a homeless person to go in a pickup your food so that you don't get scoffed at.
Rating: 5/10
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