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  • This review is for a chicken sandwich. Just that, nothing else. Completely obscene. Spongy, unseasoned meat, mealy green tomatoes, flaccid strips of grey-coloured bacon, all topped off with a congealing snotball of processed mozzarella. Unpleasant. More prank than meal. Defenders will call it "simple food", "diner food", "greasy eats", and so on. I wouldn't, because I like those things. What we're discussing here is "bad" food. These are bad versions of otherwise reputable classics. Burgers can be great, grilled chicken on a bun can be great. Just not when described as above. I emphasize this point to disarm those who would goad that any criticism must be rooted in fat phobia. Bullshit. If you're going to "clog your arteries" (an exhausted cliché), do it with class. Butter, duck confit, Greek yogurt. To gain weight from a menu so mishandled would be wasted self-abuse. I suspect a lot of folks like to play up the "danger" in Dangerous Dan's because they want notoriety for eating so extreme. In that case: why not chug a glass of melted lard? Seriously. If it's such a sport to you. Why even bother with novelty? Or bread? Call up your buddy Craig and try to poison yourselves. Swallow pig fat together. I don't know. It was just a chicken sandwich, didn't cost me much. You'd be correct in pointing out I haven't tasted any competing items. But I have certainly seen them, at other tables, and frankly felt no envy. Same sad toppings, just crammed in with different meats. Understand my mind was closed by this point. But maybe it's all incredible, I don't know. I'm doing two stars because the fries looked alright. And the staff were nice, despite what they brought me. It doesn't have to be this way. Reading the card, there's plenty that sounds appetizing (however absurd). Montreal's Au Pied De Cochon is similar in spirit, but the difference is that it's a good meal, not an experiment. If I sound heartbroken, it's for obvious reasons: lost potential. I like the decor, I like the gentle surliness. I was simply expecting better food. If I owned it, I'd change nothing but what's in the fridge. I don't want my burger joint looking like a jewelery store. Again, this is not about healthiness. Be indulgent, be obese. But why not be selective? If you're gonna go up four sizes, might as well fill them with the coolest things. Anyways.
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