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| - Full disclosure: Being that this is my virgin review so please be kind on my lack of proper grammar and spelling and if you had my elementary and junior high English teachers, you would have tuned out as well and be 3/5 literate on your good days :)
Being that I will stick with a subject matter I am familiar with (CASINOS) I might be nitpicking and reviewing the minutia of THE RIVERS!!!!!!
PARKING AND ENTRANCE: choice of valet or self parking garage and I went with the latter. Easy to navigate and plenty of surv cameras so that you don't feel like you will get jacked before you ever get into the building (Btw. I can never understand why most casino property patron robberies are late hours after 94% of people are leaving with less $ than they came with but i suppose they get stalked after leaving the cage and cashing their cheques/chips/one arm bandit vouchers) Lots of security guards in between the elevators and casino floor. Getting carded nearing age 40 always makes me feel a bit flattered yet annoys me frothing to get to the action.
SLOT MACHINES: one of my least favorite gaming activities but THE RIVERS machines have plush chairs for my lazy ass with cool little TVs built into machines for ADHD people to multi task as to distract their clearLY addictive slot play.... slid a CIVIL WAR GENERAL/CLOWN PRESIDENT dollar bill into "blazin 7s" and after about 24 full credit spins, my balance read goose eggs..(and people think humans continue to evolve HA) -$50
TABLE GAMES: I went with the lesser of all evils BJ/21. It was early afternoon and the limits seemed a bit high so I choose a $ 25 dollar table and bought in for 2 bills.. .. Original Dealer was quick and courteous and didn't seem to vibe off of people getting buried or complaining about poor tipping. Typical BJ session and get bored with it up 7 units and getting a baby powder stench from the septuagenerarian seated to my left..... +175
POKER ROOM: very spacious, modern and smokefree(reminded me of the Venetian Las Vegas when it was first to open such a layout back in
~2002),,,,,, played 1/2 NL hold em for over 2 hours and was very pleased with the polite yet gregarious dealers who knew how to get the hands out fast yet not cluster f/ ck the process and confuse the players by needing to redeal or take 24858 minutes to seperate side pots..... I played tight and unfortunately so did everyone else so I lasted 45 minutes and -$65
BEVERAGES: self service coffee/tea and soft drink stations which oddly seemed like they had more people in line for them then were in the rest of the casino.... oh and some goofball filling his oversized thermus with MOUNTAIN DEW (official drink of white trash)HAHAHA i loved that!!!!!! Many bars on the grounds and being that it must be state laIw or something not to offer free alcohol to players, I proceeded to sit at a bar and drink a beer and as usual in casinos, the only person not playing a slot machine. Was something near 5 bucks for a domestic so i threw down $8 ...-$8
BATHROOMS: large and clean in typical casino fashion and satisfying in a way that I didn't feel like I needed to blow torch my hands instead of washing them after taking a basic leak $0 (and don't laugh as i remember paying toilet stalls when i was a wee lad in Nia Falls )
I didn't try any of the restaurants as ran out of time and patience to do so. Overall THE RIVERS was a decent yet a bit plain jane facility and just the vibe of any casino knowing it preying on my and everyone else's money can never make it 5 stars but I probably will return and the next time not alone and partially intoxicated. In an odd way it reminded me of MGM Grand Las Vegas in its color schemes and layout with a mundane atmosphere..... THE RIVERS 3.5 Stars :)
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