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| - I'm going to begin my nightclub/bar scene reviews with Cobra, so it sets the mood for the reviews to come. Cobra, sounds dangerous bro.
The bottom line is that I despise nightclubs, it's not my thing. I did the whole standing at a corner and not being able to hear the person screaming in my ear thing during my teenage years, and having been once a bouncer I'm tired of it all. The music they play on this continent doesn't make any sense for people who want to dance. You can't dance to hip hop or rap! House music...I just can't jiggle that fast. Anyway on with this review.
I've been forced to come to Cobra a total of two times, and each time I've had issues getting in. If you've read my review for Brassaii, this was where we ended up after that horrendous episode. One of the guys said he knew someone there and he can get us in. The second time I came here was when Romeo had a birthday party. Unable to persuade him to host it at a classier location instead--say a strip club--I arrived five minutes early to the fashionably late time. I was late, but I should have known better that Romeo would be later than however late I was.
First time it took 8 minutes for the guy to figure out how to get tickets for everyone, I think not everybody got a ticket.
The second time I had to have a heart to heart with the door lady, she clearly had us down on her vip/gueslist, but she wouldn't let me in, and even said I have to pay if I wanted entrance before the host showed up. I talked to her twice, and was unable to hide my frustration. The bouncer ended up intervening and had me stand on the other side of the velvet ropes...at least not lining up, but waiting nevertheless. He was much more courteous than the heavily made up Asian door woman who clearly didn't know how to do her job.
Okay, to make it less confusing, let me talk about my first visit. I lined up, something I cannot tolerate. If there is ONE THING in life I've worked on, it is to avoid lining up. In boarding school, I achieved a special status where if there were any formation resembling a line, I'd be able to cut in first. I did this for my short-lived clubbing phase by befriending the necessary people. I'm willing to spend whatever money as long as I can have a good time, but I will not pay a penny for entrance or participate in a line up. I won't do it. So when this happened, I had my own little break-down inside my head. It was very ugly.
When we got inside, I felt like a fairytale giant because the ceilings were ultra low, the venue was small, the décor was Gothic with skulls. The coat check lady was accommodating as I had my bowler hat and was deathly afraid I'd lose it. Thank you coat check lady for exhibiting the first ounce professionalism I've experienced the entire evening.
You can't buy drinks with any cards unless the purchase was $50+...what the hell? My friend bought me a drink, and that was all I had. I stood over the dancefloor like an idiot with everyone else, feeling completely uncomfortable.
I hated the music, I left after an hour.
Second time coming here, it was $1500 as soon as we enter the doors. Biggest booth booked, and we even had a hot service girl. A couple of bottles of vodka and two dozen tray of sandwiches. What the hell?
The music still sucked, and I was in a foul mood after dealing with the door girl. I saw a mutual friend between myself and the door woman..and decided to complain what a B**** she was. I didn't stay long this time either, it's just another horrible experience on wretched wretched King Street West.
Women here are below average, music is mundane (unless they hire DJ Bambi again), bottle service is disengaging, and the smoking patio upstairs just seemed to be needing a good sweep.
Security and coat check team are polite and courteous, door lady needs to stop lying to herself with clown make-up.
People generally avoid cobras in the wild, you could apply that here in Toronto as well.
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