| rev:text
| - Hmmm, I wonder, am I allowed to swear openly in a review? Screw it, I'm going for it!!
HOLLYYYYYY SHIT BALLLSSSS!!!! UN-F#$%^g real! (I couldn't bring myself to F-bombing).
OK. Here we go, here is the skinny, the moment you've all been waiting for...
I think I have a new favourite panzerotto (Calzone).... Ya... take a moment and let THAT sink in. This is some serious SHIT!
I feel like a cheating whore. A dirty panzo eating whore, who has cheated on his one true panzo love, the beautiful succulent Abruzzo Panzerotto. For years, she has been good to me. CFL football in size, sexy curves, saucy, full of wonderfulness and always knew just what to do to make me feel good. She is my old reliable. My one true love. My...reason for never being able to achieve 6 pack abs!!!
But then, my Bro-tastic manly friend Sami E, brought me to Ricci's, brought me there like so many unassuming men before me. He promised we were just gonna stop in for a quick bite, it wouldn't mean anything. Nothing... he promised.
I walked up to the counter like I was about to make a drug deal..more like a deal with the devil. I looked around sheepishly and ordered a deep fried panzo (thinking that since I was a baked panzo kinda guy that this would turn me off and I would go back to my beloved). Well let me tell you folks, you can put Angelina Jolie in a burlap sack, but when you take that burlap sack off...it's still friggin Angelina underneath!! (but now neked... tee hee).
I waited with bated breath at my table for my deep fried mistress to arrive, feet tapping, mouth watering, jumping everytime a kitchen member would walk out with someones order, ready to yell out "mee, mee over here." But time and again I was waiting....
...While I wait, let me recount what I added to the pile of guilt inside my panzo: Basic Cheese and sauce, italian sausage, green peppers, hot peppers, mushrooms, pepperoni, and goat cheese.......... ughhhh seriously!!
Finally my name was called and as I ran towards the server haphazardly knocking over 2 senior citizens, a small hemophiliac baby, a priceless faberge egg and a 3 hour domino set up**, I drooled hungrily and snapped and snarled at any one who gave me a wary glance!!
Sami, had a sly grin on his face as I raised my fork and knife in the air, brandishing them, ready to attack - he knew some serious gluttony was about to go down. You handsome magnificent bastard, you knew it... YOU KNEW IT!!!!!
Diving in face first, the first bite hit me like a watermelon to the face***, then the second, then the third... ... ... ... until I woke up. My clothes were torn and hanging off of me, sauce lay everywhere, babies were crying, a gentleman behind us began to choke on his food, and people stood staring at me, mouths open in shock!
OH NO... it happened again. Panzo Hulk had emerged, and I was a horrible person once again, I had cheated and loved every delicious moment of it. BAWSE SAWSE....just honestly I would free-base this sauce and inject it directly into my jugular if I wasn't so afraid of needles.
You think I'm done? He-He-he-heeeellllllllllssss NO! Didn't I tell you that my seductress brought a sexy friend with her? Ya that's right, I had a good old fashioned Italian 3-some! With balls!!! Rice balls that is! Ricci's not only runs the show with the panzo's but they do a mighty fine rice ball (aranccini) as well (equally coated in their BAWSE SAWSE).
Fast forward to today, it's been almost 2 weeks. I'm too ashamed to go home and face the music. To admit love for another after so many years... how *sniff* HOW DO YOU DO THAT!!!
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- This review was a work of minor fiction, only the place, people and food were real, everything else was created and written for the purpose of your enjoyment. As a summary I would recommend you give this place a try.
**http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDZjzhXTfBs
***http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyLUCnTdu7o
EATCREST.... WAY WAYYYYY OUT!!!!
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