| rev:text
| - I was new to the city when I discovered Dozen. It was a little pocket of Happiness, tiny and tucked between two stores on Murray Avenue. It sold cupcakes. And only cupcakes. Delicious cupcakes. The employees were sweet and kind and they knew their product.
Then a Dozen popped up in the Andy Warhol Museum. Then downtown. Then in Lawrenceville. Then in the South Side. Then in Oakland. Market saturation. And sometimes with market saturation comes Lack of Quality Control. And Shitty Employees.
Lawrenceville's location, the Dozen Bake Shop, combined both the cupcakes and bakery/brunch items. It was good. Initially. But things started to nosedive. Whatever business plan was in place years ago has failed slowly and remarkably. It all comes back to those two market saturation points: Lack of Quality Control and Shitty Employees.
Lack of Quality Control: Dozen really was the premier cupcake joint in Pittsburgh for many years. In 2007, they boasted clever flavors (Pancakes & Bacon! The Elvis!) and not-too-shabby vegan options (The Mostess!). But something's happened along the way. I had a Cosmopolitan on Saturday night. Years ago, this variety was my favorite Dozen option. Saturday's was disgusting. The cake was bone dry. The lime pulp was nonexistent. The frosting to cupcake ratio was disgustingly high: too much buttercream can ruin a good thing. This is not the first time I've been disappointed in the cupcakes (a few weeks ago, a plain vanilla cupcake was a similar gritty letdown).
What happened? Did the owner begin focusing on breakfast treats and move away from his staple? The few bakery and brunch items are standard and average at best. Only the French toast has really rocked my world... but recently the output has been pretty tame and not very interesting/delicious. Did cupcakes become too "mainstream"? Because if they did, then that would explain...
Shitty Employees: Hipsters wouldn't be insufferable if they weren't so damned rude. They shouldn't be working in jobs that force them to interact with the public. Especially when they represent a company like Dozen. Because people begin to associate your company with the people who represent it. And when employees act like they're above the patrons who come to their place of business, there's a problem. When they roll their eyes and huff because you're Taking Too Long To Decide, there's a problem. When they shrug or half-heartedly answer questions because the Don't Want To Seem Uncool In Front Of Their Ironically Sloganed T-Shirt Wearing Buddies, there's a problem. Guess what, dipshits? I want to eat my breakfast, and I don't want to jockey for your attention.
There is a photo of me on Facebook from a couple years ago. I am on my buddy's shoulders and I am pointing happily at the Dozen Bake Shop sign. I am tagged as myself. Dozen is tagged as 'Happytimes MagicLand'. Sadly, those days are over.
And I am certainly over Dozen.
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