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We paid them a visit at 3pm on a Thursday. I can't speak to the live music or the food or any of that. We were on a mission and that mission was bowling.
As we were walking in a guy wearing glasses looked at us and asked, "Are you here to bowl?" Ummm, yeah. Why else would we be here? It was pretty strange. Completely empty and silent bowling alley. The lights weren't even on. Employees hanging out at the counter. They put us on lane 3 upstairs.
Throw back. Waaayyy back. It's like someone took a bowling alley from 1963, sealed it in a time capsule and buried it in a building on Madison avenue. I hadn't been here in something like 4 years and the needle hasn't moved a bit. Sure, I'm all for cheesy retro shit and "old school" as the kids like to call it, but c'mon. There's retro cool and there's just plain rundown. The lanes are marred, chunks of wood missing, the racks work but the lights indicating which pins you've knocked down don't, and the ball return, don't get me started. And give me automated scoring any day of the week not this paper and pencil BS.
Blistered and peeling paint on the walls, no background music, a collection of the most misfit house balls I've ever seen (who the hell has fingers that small?). This place has it all. The entire time we were bowling there were loud, incredibly annoying buzzing and beeping sounds going off for whothehellknows what reason. And air conditioning? Nope. I was sweating like a whore in church by the time I'd finished two games. The guy behind the counter asked, "How was bowling?" "Hot", I responded. "Well, why didn't you come out and tell me?" Sorry, didn't realize climate control was by request only."
On the positive side, we did have the entire alley to ourselves for most of our time there. If there's one thing I like about people it's when they aren't there. Four games, two pairs of rental shoes, $18 and change. Five stars? WTF Are you people chewing coca leaves and drinking chicha? If you're looking to bowl there are better options. If you're looking to bowl ironically, I suppose it's OK. Three stars is generous, believe me. Hell, Cloverleaf Lanes makes Mahalls look like a spare parts yard. I don't get the draw of places like this. When did dingy, poorly lit and ill-maintained become cool? A dive is a dive. I don't care if they have poetry and bands. No thanks, 20 somethings that don't know any better can have it.
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