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| - There seems to be a recipe for fancy pizza place success here in Calgary. I've distilled it down to what I eloquently call the "Fancy Pizza Place Success" theory.
Want to open up a fancy pizza place in Calgary? Well I've got just the ticket for you! Just follow our five step program and you'll soon be whistlin' dixie on your way to the Italian bank!
1. Cook pizzas that are really flat, like a truck ran over them or a really pudgy Italian mistress sat on the crust in a fit of rage.
2. Top them with fresh ingredients; but just for sport, don't make the "classics" that someone could go and get at Little Caeser's. You don't make Pepperoni, that's for the greasy 16 year old running the assembly line at Pizza Hut. No, you make "Pepperoni" (actual menu item, quotes included) with spicy calabrese sausage (oooh, doesn't "calabrese" sound exotic?) and all beef smoked salami! (All beef! Not like our competitor's partial-beef salami!).
And then put ingredients on them that nobody would understand. Like Pine Nuts. Where do pine nuts even come from? That's what the people at your tables will ask. "Where do pine nuts even come from?" "I don't know honey, ordering that might be a little risky!" - "Risk be damned, it's date night! I'm throwing caution to the wind. I'm ordering the one with the pine nuts!" - "Oh you stallion of a man! I can't wait until we get home so I can show you what I think of your wild and untamed ways!"
.... That was a bit much maybe, but I can imagine it happening in real life.
Add pistachios and artichokes to get that "artsy and we know it" feel going. Hell, how about some spinach and potato on a pizza? Can't be done, you say? Too out there, you say?! HA! Let the world watch as you spit in the face of culinary reason.
Your customers are going to think you went to fancy pants chef school. Only YOU will know the secret.
Round out your menu with some random appetizers like beets, cauliflower or the ominous sounding "Shaved Speck", throw a couple craft beers on the menu to show how funky and eclectic ya'll are and call it a day. Boom, roasted.
3. Have a cool space. You should probably hire your coolest, weirdest aunt to design it. Make it look like you're in a wine cellar or a subway system or something. And put a bunch of Italian pops all over the place (Pellegrino? Yes please, but I'll take the one that came from the fridge thank you very much). That oughta make the place look authentic.
4. Have servers who actually give a damn about making their tips, probably because they're in a downtown location where really rich dudes who park their Audi's and Porsche's in the TD square location go for lunch to drink too much with each other and talk about rich people stuff. That seems oddly specific, but trust me, just go with it. And make sure your servers wear all black, because that is the universal dress code for "Prepare to part with exorbitant amounts of money."
5. Pick a cool, trendy name nobody understands until they ask about it. Like Without Papers. Or Double Zero. Or Famosa. Or if you're really creative, something like "On The Wire" or "Whore de Fromage".
In seriousness though, my experience here was a good one. While nobody can say that these flat pizza places are all that original anymore, the service was excellent and the ingredients on the pizza were well chosen.
Our server was attentive, brought everything on time and was friendly, so A+ to him and his Caeser-cut-fauxhawk that reminded me of when I used to be able to do my hair that way. Ahh, memories.
I had a few Thirsty Frog or Tree Frog or whatever type beers and enjoyed not being in the rain for an hour or two. The only thing I could have done without was paying $12 for parking after - roughly 2/3rds of the cost of the pizza I ordered and then forgot the leftovers sitting at the table.
But that's my fault, not theirs, so I'll let it slide.
In the end, this place slots right in there with WOP and Famosa when it comes to this style of pizza. They're all solid in my mind, so Double Zero is in good company - and might just have the best crust.
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