| rev:text
| - Wow, after hearing so many positive comments about this place, I was shocked at the mediocre experience I had when here. The problems started as soon as my companion and I walked in. The space was inordinately dark for daytime, thanks to the shutters covering every window. The bathrooms were single stalls, which - as every woman knows - is a royal pain in the ass at a bar. I'd met friends for drinks here before, but I was unsure of any protocol as to whether we sat ourselves or not for a late-afternoon meal. We stood there awkwardly, looking for any kind of "seat yourself"/"wait to be seated" signs, looking over at the bartender to see if he could help us (he was engrossed in conversation with a patron), trying to find a server (they were all in the back or the other room), and generally receiving no greeting or guidance whatsoever. We eventually sat ourselves.
After several minutes, a server came over, asking if we'd been helped yet. The fact that we didn't even have water in front of us might have provided her with a clue, but apparently not. We ordered beers, which arrived fairly slowly. There were no coasters, and condensation rapidly started crawling all over the table. After our server brought the beers, we ordered the famed Bob's Bad Breath Burger to share. While we waited, we wanted to play a board game, but the shelves of board games were located behind a table of patrons, so it would have been fairly awkward to hover over them while making a selection. There's got to be a better place to put the games. Our burger arrived (points for splitting it onto two plates for us, with no up-charge for doing so) after about 40 minutes, which seemed a bit long given that the place didn't have many people eating at the time. It was a wise decision to share the meal, as it would have been *enormous* for one person. Seeing the size of other meals that came out later, huge portions seem par for the course. I was kind of shocked at how tasteless the burger was. The bun was a bit stale and hard, so every time I bit into it, the cold, hard cream cheese slipped out. The cream cheese would probably have worked better if it were warm and/or stuffed inside of the burger patty, but as it was, it was just a clumsy mess. I couldn't taste the green goddess dressing or pickapeppa sauce, but they were certainly good at making an enormous mess on my hands. I couldn't really taste the garlic at all. The tomatoes turned the stale bun into a soggy mess; blotting the slices before putting them on the sandwich would have been a smart move. The caramelized onions were visible, but made very little impact with regard to flavor, although the bun enabled them to slip out with every bite. The burger itself, which we ordered medium, was much closer to well-done, and it was dry and bland. The Yukon Gold potatoes were a burnt disaster. There was literally zero seasoning, and they arrived already cooled to room temperature. The greens were a bit dry and arugula-heavy; they could have used a touch more vinaigrette. I'd been eyeing the dessert specials for much of our time there, but after the meal was such a disappointment, we decided to walk to Chocolaterian to salvage the afternoon instead. However, this took another twenty minutes, because our server couldn't be arsed to return to our table to ask about our food or bring us the check, no matter how hard we tried to flag her down. I don't know if I've ever had service this slow or neglectful in the US, especially on a slow afternoon with at least two other servers present.
I might come here for beers again in the future if my friends want to go (although I know from past experience that it's incredibly noisy and packed to the rafters on weekend evenings, which I don't like when I want to actually have a conversation), but I'll be steering clear of the food and fetching my own drinks.
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