| rev:text
| - Mineos Pizza is one of the most popular pizza shops in Pittsburgh, I assume it is because the people of Pittsburgh prefer walking around with mean streaks of fecal aftermath in their tight white Hanes. A large cheese pizza (which is 16', or 12 slices for those of you who think that makes a difference) costs a rich neighborhoodly $17.50 (plus the $20 parking ticket which I will take half the blame for...bringing the pizzas total to $27.50). The kid making the pizza was exactly 12 years old and was a spitting image of Ernie from Billy Madison, I was half expecting him to pee his pants mid pie. Ernie has a lot to learn about making a pizza and the fact that it was 2 in the afternoon on a Thursday and no one in the kitchen was over the age of 20 makes sense as to why the pizza is so sloppy.
Mineos is making their pizza the traditional way, directly on the brick with no screens. Ernie smothered the dough in flour to the point that the dough was all white and a bit powdery and it left a residue on your hands. I can't say that I blame him for that thought because if he didn't use the giant hand full of flour to slide the pie in the oven than he wouldn't have been able to put the 9 pounds of cheese on the pie that Mr. Mineo requires for a pizza to be deemed edible. The pie still didn't quite make its way into the oven without turning into a wonky oval shape. The pizza was way too thin in the middle and the gelatinous wad of cheese that enveloped the pie made it pretty much impossible to pull the slices apart from each other. This is the kind of pizza that you need to eat with a spoon. You really can't eat it like pizza, you just kind of have to pick the cheese curd off and eat it by itself and then you can eat the crust afterwards. The pizza was relatively well cooked, it lacked color but probably just because of the excessive flour. The sauce was spread on fairly well but the cheese was just wadded on with absolutely no regard for my butt hole.
The dough has that typical bad salty cracker Pittsburgh type taste to it. The crust has a pretty low hydration rate and is quite dry but you probably won't notice because you will be too busy choking on the grease from the cheese. The middle of the pie was way too thin and the crust was pretty puffy. The flavor of the dough is generic and salty. The dough was also fairly dense.
The sauce wasn't bad, I would be curious to try this sauce on a pie that had a sensible amount of cheese. The flavor is mostly derived from basil, oregano and sugar. They are definitely using a lot of water in the sauce and adding sugar to offset it. Its not the worst sugar water sauce I have had in the city but it certainly isn't great. The tomatoes seem to be decent quality, no real chunks though just a thin even consistency.
The cheese ruined this pie. It tastes like a mix of mozzarella and provolone, quite possibly some cheap stuff blended in with some good stuff. I don't understand why any pizza shop would want to put so much damn cheese on their pizza when it is by far the most expensive part. I can't even think of a joke, I just want to take a nap.
All in all this pizza just sucks. Its sad to me that places like this are the standard for pizza in this city, its just breeding more fat oblivious ranch dressing dunkers. People don't eat pizza like this because it tastes good, they eat it because it gets you high as fuck and releases all your happy lazy brain molecules so that you can just lard there and continue watching the latest scripted reality tv show. I am feeling pretty defeated by this pizza, both in brain and bung.
4/10
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)