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| - Alright, so I go into Sushi Tower before class because I only have half an hour and am craving raw fish. Having never been to Sushi Tower, I am expecting an average sushi joint...and that's what it is, but there's certainly nothing wrong with that.
The hostess, who makes very little eye contact but is nonetheless friendly, politely guides me to a seat and gives me a menu. Being a novice sushi-eater, I need a few minutes. I order the deep-fried tofu. I've never had anything like that before, so I figure why not?
A few minutes later I order the University Roll. I find that fitting because I am on my way to a university classroom. After about ten minutes of me checking my watch impatiently and oogling the girls walking by outside, my sushi arrives. Doesn't look like anything special. Seconds later my deep-fried tofu is placed in front of me.
I crack open the chopsticks with a theatrical amount of effort and grab the first cube of tofu. I feel fairly confident in my chopsticking skills and being the only caucasian in the room, am secretly hoping to impress the asians seated around me. Now, one thing I should mention is that these tofu cubes are massive. If I were to guess, maybe 1.5 cubic inches.
I first test the cube with my tongue for heat. Very warm, but not too hot. I dip it in the mysterious sauce provided and hoggishly shove the whole thing in my mouth. I instantly realize that the thin layer of batter coating the tofu was deceptively cool compared to the searingly hot interior.
My eyes immediately tear up and I fight the urgent sense of panic, try to remain calm, and logically think about what to do about this ball of lava resting on my tongue. Thankfully, the thin veil of batter is protecting the parts of my mouth that haven't been exposed to the scorching interior. I decide that if I breathe through my mouth for a while, the tofu will cool down enough so that I can chew it. I try this for half a minute and realize my attempts are futile. The tofu remains at an even 1400 degrees celsius.
This leaves Plan B: Discreetely spitting the massive mound of tofu into a napkin. My only option. No sooner does this thought cross my mind when a giant gob of slobber falls out of my gaping mouth and onto the table below. I am a charming man indeed.
I can take this no more. I grab a napkin and awkwardly force out what feels like a half-pound of napalm into this flimsy paper. Half way through forcing out the flaming tofu with my roasted tongue, the hostess walks by and looks me in the eye and I haphazardly nod my head and attempt to make a pleasant facial expression.
At last the inferno is out. I feel relieved and self-conscious at the same time. I glance around, and nobody seems to be paying any attention...this is good. I hear them speaking their various dialects and wonder what they are saying about me.
I regather my composure and dip as sushi roll into the soy and then into my wounded mouth. The sushi was as average as it looked, and the hard asparagus was something that didn't quite fit with the other ingredients. At least not for me. It was quite edible regardless.
Ripping into the remaining 3 tofu cubes with my chopsticks to cool them down, I am comforted by the fact that they will not catch me off guard a second time. Hot steam erupts from each cube. The tofu is bland and flavourless, but I suppose that is the nature of tofu. Either that or my tongue is incapable of registering flavour at this point.
Done with my meal, I flag down the hostess for my bill. She comes back a few seconds later, clears the table and removes the crumpled napkins. Oh but if only it were that easy. No, she is professional enough to straighten out the used napkins before placing them in the dish. I know what's about to happen, but I do nothing to stop it. She straightens out the napkin with my tofu inside, and this partially chewed blob of grossness slides out of the napkin and goes 'plop' right onto the table.
The startled couple seated next to me look over and then back to their tables clearly disgusted. The hostess looks up at me, confused. With a mouthful of sushi I think I tried to say "That one was too hot", but really what comes out is something like "Ach onna ooh ock". It didn't matter though as she dismissed herself mid-way through my garbled sentence.
That was my experience at Sushi Tower. I'm sure it's a great sushi joint on par with any other in the city, as the other patrons seemed to be enjoying themselves and their food. I base my rating on the overall experience. The food was 3/5, the service was 3/5, the ambience was 3/5. My scorched tastebuds disagree, but my overall rating is clearly a 3 out of 5.
WARNING TO THE READER: Never underestimate the destructive power of deep-fried tofu.
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