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| - My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
Well, no... actually Forrest Gump said that. MY momma always said, "For God's sake, Ryan, why can't you put down that Nintendo controller and play outside with the rest of the NORMAL kids? And what the hell are you wearing all that TINFOIL on your head for?"
No, Forrest Gump was the one who talked about chocolates, and Bubba always talked about shrimp, hence, we now have the chain of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. restaurants. They're all over in touristy spots, and the Seestur raves about the one in Anaheim in Gardenwalk. She even sports the sweatshirt proudly. This from a girl who would practically retch if she even got near seafood.
So boy, howdy, was I excited to see that there was going to be a Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. on the Las Vegas Strip. So excited, that I didn't even care it was located mere steps from the horrifying (to me) Goretorium. I was going to brave the danger and go to Bubba Gump, and if one of the evil scary monsters from Goretorium and/or one of the sleazy porno-card giver-outers on the corner of Harmon and the Strip came after me, well, by God I would buy fresh boxers from the Bubba Gump store.
If life is like a box of chocolates, I should have tried poking the bottom of the candies before coming here. I got stuck with that one everyone else dodges. You know, the one with the pink cream-ish center that's supposedly cherry or raspberry but tastes more like Pepto Bismol.
Las Vegans hardly need a reason to celebrate but we find them anyway, and as I had just been unceremoniously and hurriedly booted out the door by my former employer, ironically who stood across the street from Harmon Corner and rhymed with "Bosmopolitan," I decided to have a little "New Beginnings/I Got Fired" dinner at Bubba Gump's.
Figuring I was the last one there (as I usually am) and not wanting a demon to jump out of the Goretorium and eat my soul, I asked one of the store clerks, "So... I'm in the store... but where's the restaurant?" She smiled and directed me up the stairs toward the back of the store. A sign or something would have been nice.
I headed up the stairs, where I was actually first, gathered the party, and we were seated. They explained the license plates on the table that say "Run, Forrest, Run!" and "Stop, Forrest, Stop!" which I thought was a cute touch.
The crew was stellar. Our main waitress was super bubbly and thrilled when she heard we were all locals (like, apparently they had not been frequenting the place... what a shock no locals on the Strip). She was very attentive to our needs, to the point where we never really needed our "Run/Stop" plates on our table. She even regaled us with ghost stories in nearby mining towns. So despite whatever else I say in this review, the staff was great and should be commended.
And with that being said... well...
We started with a round of drinks. Since it was my firing party, I was ready for something nice and strong, so I went with Bubba's Blue Hawaiian: vodka, rum, gin, Blue Curacao, pineapple juice and Sierra Mist, yes, please, come to DADDY! The menu says $8.99, but don't be fooled! That doesn't include your collectible Bubba Gump glass, so you're more looking at $13. You have to specifically ask to NOT get the collectible glass, whereas I think it should be the other way around. But the drink was pretty good. Not quite an AMF, so it won't belt you on your ass, but not a totally tame drink either.
Dinner came around, and I have to say I was gravely disappointed with my dinner. I got the Shrimper's Heaven, which along with french fries came with Fried Shrimp, "Chilly Shrimp," Coconut Shrimp, and Shrimp Tempura, along with three sauces: Asian, cocktail, and a Cajun sauce that reminded me more of orange marmalade.
I started with the "Chilly Shrimp," which I thought was just going to be cold shrimp like you might find in a shrimp cocktail. No, in fact, that is wrong. "Chilly Shrimp" is Bubba Gump's version of "Peel-n-Eat Shrimp," which means the shrimp is cooked inside its shell. Yes, shrimp have shells, and shrimp have legs, which took that portion of the dinner from "tasty seafood morsel" to "creature that used to be alive, probably leaving behind a family he supported and a shrimp company job that will have to do some PR work to explain his disappearance and he was probably named Charles." I can't eat things that could probably be named Charles. So there's a quarter of the dinner shot down.
The rest was tolerable. The coconut shrimp and fried shrimp were kind of dry, but the shrimp tempura was fine.
What wasn't fine was the bill: for JUST that and the drink, after gratuity I was paying $55 BY MYSELF. People, I just got fired! Just because I was paid out my vacation pay doesn't mean I need to be spending it all on dinner! I'll stick with Lazy Joe's for some good, affordable shrimp from now on.
I guess stupid really is as stupid does.
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